Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

About Thanksgiving November 28, 2013

It is Thanksgiving here in the USA.

Thanksgiving should be celebrated simply as a time of thanks for the people we have in life. In my family, it is so hard. When we see each other on Thanksgiving, we are like a room of strangers meeting to share a meal. I don’t really know my brother and sister anymore, and I know their children (and children’s children) even less. We will sit, mostly talking to my parents because they are our common ground. I will see the pity in their eyes when they ask about J, who is staying home because the bipolar demons have her again. I will watch their eyes sweep over S and her partner E as they judge their relationship (of which they know nothing). They will ask questions about them both, which I wouldn’t mind, except my family says things like: “Do you think you made S gay because you let her wear boy’s shirts when she was little?” or “Maybe J will get it together one day and stop being bipolar.”

You see, I am the “weird one”. I am the black sheep with the messed up children. I am also the one who refuses to be embarrassed by my daughter’s “gayness”. I refuse to let the word “bipolar” be a shameful word. Do I wish I could spare my children the pain I know they feel? Yes. I wish S could go through life without feeling the hatred and disgust some people (even family) have for lesbians. I wish J could go through life without the constant internal conflict along with the judgment she sees in the eyes of others, or the rejection she feels time and time again. But I would not, ever, change my children.

So, in a few short hours, I will gather over turkey and trimmings with the people I once lived with. I will be thankful for the bounty of food. I will be thankful that we are together as a family for another year. I will miss having J by my side, but thankful that E will attend the first Thanksgiving gathering beside S as her life partner.

 

Ready to Shed Summer September 1, 2013

I’m ready to shed what is left of this lukewarm summer. It is time for cool autumn winds to blow this humid, heavy air away until next year.  This summer has not been a good one for me, and I am not sorry to see it go. I am back at work, with more responsibility than ever before. It is what I need.

I have a goal to not let work and everyday life get in the way of enjoying….LIFE. The weekend before work started I went on a quick trip to the mountains, just hubs and I. It rekindled something for us. We are good together, but I’d forgotten that we could be GREAT together. I don’t want to lose that.

I also don’t want to lose my art. I have this habit of immersing myself so fully in my job that I leave time for nothing else. My art releases so much for me, and I want to continue to learn and grow. I cannot do that by only creating a month or two out of the year. I have a need for art in my life.

Autumn….I am so ready for pots of homemade soup; crisp brown leaves crunching underfoot; brilliantly colored leaves decorating the mountains; and the smell of wood smoke drifting from chimneys. Autumn is my favorite time of year.

 

 

I Wanna Be August 16, 2013

Filed under: about me,living,personal,Poems,poetry — rainey46 @ 7:32 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

I wanna be your Queen Bee

Secure deep down in the hive

wanting for nothing

living on your love.

I wanna be your favorite cup of coffee

swirling around in blue pottery

just sweet enough

good to the last drop.

I wanna be the tattoo on your skin

riding the waves of your muscles

nestled against your chest

yours, forever more.

 

 

Art Festival and Nourishment of My Soul July 29, 2013

Artist at work

Artist at work

Those are panoramic photographs on the right

Those are panoramic photographs on the right

Lots of people!

Lots of people!

Metal art

Metal art

I took a nice, much-needed trip to a festival in the mountains. Seeing the beautiful artwork of others really inspired me. It also made me feel great about my own work. Sometimes I feel like my work is so…untalented…not good enough. I know people TELL me it’s good, but you know how that goes; these people love me (or at least like me and must see me regularly). After seeing the art for sale….that people were BUYING, I feel like my work (some of it) might actually sell in the right market. So I’ve decided to try it. I’m going to complete as many pieces as I can, then sign up for a booth at a local festival.

As for my trip, it helped to clear my head. I’ve been in a fog the last few weeks. Not really depressed, just existing. I’ve just watched the hours turn into days. Now I feel ready to do something. I have a purpose again.

I’m including a few pictures of the festival. It was great! I sat on the sidewalk, eating Thai food, listening to a local band, and watching the people walk by and thought what a wonderful life it would be to travel to various festivals and sell art you lovingly crafted. That fits my ideal lifestyle! I met such interesting people and had great conversations about art and life. My soul feels nourished again.

 

Random Rambles by Rainey May 9, 2013

Time for a ramble on all the things that roll around in my head. There’s plenty of room up there, you know.

1. Why does America have to be so politically correct? This country is so busy tip-toeing around, trying not to offend, that it is offensive! I would rather have my country piss off a few groups of people than to walk some political tightrope. Just grow a pair, and have a backbone. It’s okay if we don’t all agree; we can pretend to be grown ups and work it out…like we tell our children to do.

2. Why do we have car alarms? When was the last time you felt alarmed when you heard one? They are so common, no one even pays attention any more.

3. Why do snack cakes come packaged in sets of two, but when you read the serving label, a serving is one cake? Really? Who eats just one Twinkie?

4. Have you ever locked your keys in your car? My daughter did. The nice firemen came and  jimmied the lock for her. Not once did they ask for proof that the car was hers. Hmmmm…

5. Have you noticed (I’m sure you have, unless you live under a rock) the cost of new clothes? It is outrageous! Plus-sized clothes cost even more, but I guess that is justified because it takes more material to make it, right? Then why are the really skimpy clothes so over-priced? Shouldn’t the shorts that barely cover a girl’s butt be cheaper?  Whores unite! Whore clothes should be CHEAP!

6. I have a confession. I really, truly dislike mosquitoes and gnats. There. I’ve admitted the truth. They are the only living things that I really dislike and see no reason the ecosystem would not benefit from their demise. If you love them, I am sorry. No, I’m not. I still hate them.

7. People should have to pass a test to do two things: have children (parenting test) and go to Wal-mart (clothing test).  I’m not sure which one would help our society the most.

 

 

Today’s Adventure January 19, 2013

Today was a day of exploration of a seaside town. J and I decided to get away, just the two of us. We walked the historic district, and I took some (hopefully) great shots of the buildings.  I spent an hour in a local used book store! We enjoyed a great cup o’ Joe at a local shop, walked a river walk section of town, and had lunch at a local burrito restaurant. The weather was perfect for our day! J was in good spirits, so it was very enjoyable spending time with her. After lunch, we went down to the beach and took pictures.  I discovered a little sound side park with beautiful twisted trees. All-in-all, it was a wonderful and relaxing day!

Beachwalk

 

 

WordPress Friendships Vs. Real Life Friendships: Who Wins? January 6, 2013

Is it bad that I feel closer to some of my WordPress friends than I do my “real life” friends? Should I be concerned? I have met the kindest, funniest, and sweetest people in blog-land.  I look forward to reading and interacting with you more than real life friends.

To be fair, I keep real life friends at arm’s length; I always have. I have many, many acquaintances…you know, people who are “friends” whom you talk to when you see them, you chat on Facebook, you know about their children and their dog, but you don’t go to the movies or show up at each others homes. Real friends (which I define as people who can drop by unannounced and not piss me off, people who call and I actually answer, or people I turn to when I need a shoulder or they need one) I can count on two  hands one finger. Seriously. I just don’t let people in for fear that they run screaming “FREAK!”.

I am amazed that I found a mate. He is clueless, mind you. I don’t mean that in a bad way. He just lives in his own happy-land world and ignores or doesn’t see the bad. For example, my youngest daughter, S, is gay. I’ve known it, the way a mother knows, for a long, long time. When she “came out” (I hate that phrase because it was like she was hiding, but she wasn’t, she just hadn’t figured it out for herself yet) I hugged her and told her it was great while hubs freaked. I mean, seriously FREAKED. He was born and raised in small town, USA (where we still live, BTW) He proclaimed that he loved her, but would not have “any of that shit in his house.” Not long after that, S met her partner, E. Hubs said she wasn’t coming in our house or to family events. This almost broke us up because I will NEVER do that to my daughter! I finally made him see that was wrong (he’s not a bad person, he just was raised a certain way) and that I would not alienate S by forbidding her to bring over the person she loves! He has adjusted, but here is how: in his mind, S and E are “friends”. “Roommates”. NOT lovers. He makes it okay by putting it in terms he can handle. Like I said, he lives in his own happy world.

That is how he is able to live with me or even love me. He sees what he WANTS to see. When I am depressed, I am “feeling bad” as in I have a cold or a virus. If you asked him right now if his wife gets depressed, he would say no. And he would believe it.

I wear a mask around the people who know me. An impenetrably, harden mask that sits firmly in place. It never slips. It never fails. But when I sit down at this computer, I take the mask off and place it gently on the table beside me. I type…sometimes silly, sometimes serious, but always, always truly me. And guess what? A person followed my blog. Someone else liked it. And before long, I had a regular connection with a fine group of people. None of them ran screaming…well, some probably did, but who needs them? But people are getting to know me, and they are actually sticking around. This is an amazing gift.

So yes, I feel closer to you than people who actually know me. But maybe, just maybe, I will take a peek from around the mask and let someone see a tiny part of me.

mask of Many Colors