Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Peaceful Morning Thoughts October 26, 2013

It’s quiet here. All I hear is the steady hum of the small heater I have plugged in to combat the morning chill. The entire world, it seems, is still asleep. The birds are still in their nests awaiting the morning light. Not even the distant crow of the rooster can be heard. Even the sun is still in slumber. This quiet moment, for it is just a moment, is one of my favorite times of the day.

I am up early simply to have this moment. I usually try to sleep in on Saturday to catch up on the rest I miss during the busy week. Today having this peaceful time to myself is more important, and much more needed, than extra sleep. I need to “re-center” myself on the important things in life and focus on me for a change. My life gets so out-of-control crazy at times that I literally have to step back, take a breathe, and do some self-reflection.

What is most important to me at this time in my life? Where do I need to focus to have personal growth where I need it? How can I lessen the huge amount of stress I carry on my shoulders? What perceptions do I need to work on? What new short-term and long-term goals do I have? What makes me really happy? What things, ideas, or people do I need to let go from my life to increase my self-worth and happiness?

These are the questions I ask myself. Sometimes when my world is crumbling around me I lose sight of the big picture; my internal compass goes haywire and my sense of purpose is lost. It takes a bit of quiet self-reflection to remind me of who I am. “Perception is reality.” I live by that quote. Sometimes I only need to adjust my perception to become happier. I cannot change the actions, thoughts, or beliefs of those around me, but I can change my perception by examining myself and others.

Hubs is working, J is sleeping. The dogs are still deep in slumber, snuggled against my legs. My fingers are itching to hold a paintbrush. I wonder…what will I create?


Choices and Anti-choices June 18, 2012

Star Wars - Darth Vader

Star Wars – Darth Vader (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Luke. Come to the dark side.”

Everyone, no matter how pure of heart, has a dark side. I believe we are all a mix of good, bad, and ugly. Sometimes it scares me to know that I am capable of committing horribly wrong acts. What separates us normal semi-normal people from hardened criminals is choice.

Every day we make millions of choices. Many of these choices are subconscious or so routine we don’t consider them choices anymore. Anyone who has a two-year-old knows about those choices. Hmmmm…what to wear today? Any two-year-old will fight you to the end over a choice of clothing, and  trust me when I say you WILL lose that battle! 🙂 Time to brush your teeth, go use the toilet, put shoes on, brush your hair, go inside, or go outside? Sure, as soon as that two-year-old willpower says it is time! For the rest of us, those choices are so ingrained they are automatic decisions we no longer think about. (Well, except that clothes thing; if it would not scare small children and grown people alike I think I would go without some days…)

The choices I have trouble with most are the ones I make by NOT doing something; those that I call the “anti-choice”. I choose to not go to the doctor when I should. I choose to not organize my closet even when I know it will calm me to do so. I choose to not open a bill, read a report, or exercise even when I know these are things I need to do. I tend to ignore these moments of procrastination that riddle my life. I don’t think of them as choices I make, but really that is exactly what they are: choices. These are the choices that throw me into a panic or overwhelm me so much I cannot function.

So I am putting it in writing, thus making myself more accountable: I CHOOSE to become more aware of the choices and anti-choices I make that sabotage my everyday happiness. Becoming aware of these moments will help me unburden myself of the stress these anti-choices bring to my life.