Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

A Reason to Put on a Bra February 24, 2013

Damn. I have to go out today, so I must put on real pants. And a bra. AND SHOES! Oh, well. It’s for a great reason. My youngest daughter, S (not the one with bipolar) and her life partner, E, are buying a house.

S is only 24 years old and she is buying a house! That is pretty incredible to me. She has always been one to go after what she wants. In school, she was driven to get terrific grades and take all the hardest classes. She graduated in the top 10% of her class, but still managed to play sports and maintain a good relationship with her group of friends. The one thing she did not do is have a boyfriend or girlfriend. She always said she was too busy to date, and that the boys were too immature. After high school, she went away to college for a year and hated it. S never got into partying and chasing boys, so she didn’t fit in. She toughed it out for a year then came home to attend community college. She graduated with a degree in the health field and makes more money than I do!

During this time, S worked a part-time job and lived with a roommate in a small house nearby. She came to me one day and, with tears in her eyes, told me she was bisexual. My sweet girl was worried about telling us, but I think I knew before she did! It wasn’t long after that when she met E.

Our state does not recognize same-sex marriages, but they have exchanged rings and consider themselves married. Now, here we are, about to see the house they want to buy.

Life is funny, you know? You can dream and imagine what you think you want in life, or how you think your life might be, but seldom will you be right. I never thought I would be the mother to two incredible girls who grew to be such wonderful, yet diverse, women. One battles daily hardships that would make most people crumble, and yet she forges on. The other sees what she wants in life and goes for it, against all odds.

It’s a great feeling to know that I, with all the baggage and problems I have, still managed to raise and mold such terrific humans. There might be hope, after all. And I guess that is a good reason to put on a bra and even shoes.

 

 

Who Am I? August 5, 2012

Who am I?

i am empathetic

~for animals and children, who need our love and devotion

~for broken humans, who are suffering in so many ways

~for elderly, who have lived and loved and become frail

i am liberal

~i believe equal rights mean equal for all

~i judge by who you are, not what you are

~i think all people should have the rights of all others

i am a survivor

~of childhood molestation

~of interior, self-inflicted wounds

~of life and all its curves

i am a mother

~my daughters will always come first

~my girls live in my heart wherever they may be

~my heart breaks every time they hurt

i am a creator

~of words that, together, come alive on a page

~of pictures i paint with film or acrylics

~of objects created of metal, glass and other beauties

i am a lover

~of animals and nature

~of music that feeds my soul with rhythm and words

~of my dogs, who quiet my restless soul

i am a hater

~of self, for things i cannot yet forgive

~of ignorant, bigoted people who spew hateful words at others

~of explantions molded to fit one view only

i am imperfect

~i hide from the truth when it hurts too much

~i pretend i’m okay when i’m not at all

~i lie to fit in and be safe in the group

i am a beast

~when you harm someone i love

~when your hatred turns against the helpless

~when i’m pushed into a corner, i come out swinging

i am so many things.

i am all of this and much, much more.

i am Rainey.