Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Making Progress February 7, 2013

J came home after her therapy last night and sat and talked with me about it. Sometimes she talks, but most often she goes to her room. I don’t take offense; when she needs to share, I listen. When she doesn’t, I understand. I know this is hard for her.

So last night was a share night. She said her therapist was proud of the rage she was feeling and said she was making great progress. Before, when J got angry she would not direct it at the appropriate source. Instead, she turned it inward. He said it was great that she was directing it outward, and that they would work on releasing it in a healthy way. I feel like this is great news! There is a slight difference in the way she holds herself now. It’s almost like I can see the woman she was meant to be finally emerging. I watched that happen with S, her younger sister, already. It feels so good to see her begin to grow again. Usually it is one step forward, two steps back….this seems to be TWO steps forward….and it is nice.

 

Pure Rage February 5, 2013

J is at therapy right now. She has bounced so much lately between mania and depression, I am afraid he will change her meds again.  The mania can sometimes be aggressive anger in the form of a sharp tongue and aggressive mannerism that she usually does not show. A few times in the last week her mania has been rage. There is no other word for it. Pure, on the edge, rage. And it really scares me.

I’m scared for her, not for me. I’ve never had her hurt me or even try to. I’m more worried that she will turn it on some total stranger or someone at work. Not that I think she is a danger; not at all. J has always swallowed her anger, or turned it inward. But the rage she feels now comes out of nowhere and is usually very out of proportion to what it should be. For example, she stopped at the store to buy chap-stick.  She couldn’t find her favorite kind, so she asked the clerk. When the clerk told her they were out, she was filled with rage and had to turn and walk out of the store. She couldn’t even speak she was so enraged. Now that the anger is coming out more, I hope the therapist works with her on how to express anger in a healthy way.