Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Meet Our Fur Ball, Tucker June 26, 2013

Tucker 2

Meet Tucker. He is a Shih Tzu just like Sophie, and just like Riley was. He is adorable and has a sweet nature, but is feisty enough to hold his own with the “grand-pups” when they come over. I ┬áthink it is okay that I am not bonding with him right away like I have my other dogs; he seems to like hubs, and they have bonded nicely. I’m fine with that; I just want the little guy to have the love he deserves. It’s not that I don’t like him; I really do. I just know my heart is not in it. I will grow to love him more because that is my nature; I am and always will be an animal lover.

Sophie is still avoiding Tucker. We are trying to help her out of her depression. The vet said to give her time, and to make sure she gets to do some favorite things. I bought her favorite chew toy today, and she got to go for not one, but TWO rides in the car. She seems content at the moment. As I am typing this, she is lying beside me chewing her toy. Tucker is playing on the floor with hubs, playing tug-of-war.

As for me, I had to get out of the house today. I got up early and went grocery shopping (I know, not exciting, but it gave me something to think about). At 10:00 I broke down. Riley died at 10:00 a week ago today. I also cried when it thundered because Riley was scared of thunder. After multiple breakdowns, we decided I needed a distraction so hubs took me to see a movie and then we went out to eat. It did help, so at the moment I feel more peaceful than I did earlier.

I’ve tried doing art, but it all turns to shit. I cannot force it; art (or writing, for that matter) has to come from somewhere deep inside. Even my photographs seem flat. Hopefully I will find that spark again, because it is the best emotional release I have.

Meet Tucker

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New Puppy June 25, 2013

Filed under: about me,all,depression,dogs — rainey46 @ 5:00 pm
Tags: , , ,

Yesterday, hubs took me to get a new puppy. I went to Riley’s grave and cried before we left. We went to look at one puppy and ended up coming home with his brother. He is the same breed, but looks nothing like Riley. I made sure of it.

He is a sweet, energetic little black fur-ball. I enjoy him, but I have no emotional ties to him. I pray that changes. As I sit in the floor and play with him, I cry because I miss Riley so much.

The puppy is a distraction. He takes constant supervision, as most pups do. My house is mostly puppy-proof, so I just close bedroom doors and he follows me around. Soph sits on the couch and watches him play.

I know I’ve fallen over another edge of depression; I can feel the tumble, yet I am helpless. I almost welcome it. Sophie, Riley’s female companion, is just as depressed. She is barely eating and will not come near the new pup. I hold her and we both watch the puppy while we mourn.