Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Hope On a New Day December 29, 2012

Today is a beautiful day. Nothing has changed except perhaps my attitude. Getting away with my camera just brings me such peace. It helps my mind focus on the little details in the world that I forget about when I am embracing the constant crisis in my life. It reminds me of the small things that make life wonderful. Breathing in the crisp winter air as I notice how the sunlight filters through the bare branches of the trees. Noticing the shadows cast across the worn wood of an old abandoned house. Gazing at the rusting train tracks as they converge on the far horizon.

My mind is so often trapped in survival mode that the stress I feel can be overwhelming. I have no respite from the constant worry. I have no one who truly understands the unique position I am in; but I guess we could all say that. My hope lies in writing, taking photos,listening to music, and my art (when I can focus on it…it’s been a year now since I walked in my studio.) So here I am, dear reader….even if no one reads, it feels great to write.

Blue Tangled Night

 

The Unvarnished Truth of Me November 24, 2012

Hi again. It’s me, Rainey. I have missed your daily support and encouragement as I traverse through life, but I felt the need to pull back for a while. I could lie, and tell you I just got really busy, and things were going great, but that would wrong. You deserve better from me; you at least deserve the truth.

I stopped blogging for the same reason that I have, all of my life, suddenly stopped calling close friends. It’s the same reason I broke up with one or two of my old boyfriends. It’s also the same reason that, when I got married, I moved to a new town and recreated a brand new life, leaving behind everyone and everything I used to know and love. So here it is, the unvarnished truth of me:

You got too close. And you cared about me.

It’s what I do, you see. I run when anyone gets close enough to see the cracks in the veneer or to care about me at all. I will give you a piece of me, a glimpse inside, and then I pull back and run for the hills. I don’t mean to hurt people, but I do. I don’t know why I do this, and I don’t know how to make myself stop.

I bared more in this blog than I have ever told anyone in my entire life. Actually, I am super surprised that I let so much of my soul peek out before I ran. I guess the blog masked me enough that I felt some safety in allowing my true self to show. But I have only shown you glimpses. There is so much more, so much bad and good, ugly and light, humor and horror. So much more is hidden so deep inside I don’t even know what is in there anymore.

So. That is the true reason I have been gone for so long. I’m not sure yet if I have the courage to return, but I hope I do. I have missed you all dearly. And that is also the unvarnished truth.

 

The Three Basic Wants August 5, 2012

What do we, as humans, want from life? Even though we all come from different backgrounds, have different life experiences, and live different realities, I believe we all want the same 3 basic things from life.

1.Acceptance. All of us, young, old, and everything in between, need to feel accepted by other humans. In an experiment conducted in 1958, researcher Solomon Asch concluded, ” The tendency to conformity in our society is so strong that reasonably intelligent and well-meaning young people are willing to call white black.” (You can read more on this experiment here.) We all want to belong…to something. We are social creatures who need interaction with other like-minded people.

2. Love. Why do you think there are so many songs written about love? Because it is a driving force of our interactions with one another. I’m not talking about sex (that is a horse of a different color). The feeling that another person has deep, meaningful and strong emotional ties to you can make all the wrongs in the world seem of no consequence. There are so many levels of love that  one human can feel: everything from love of a parent to love of a best friend.  What matters is that you have a deep, meaningful connection with another person.

3. To have purpose. What is life if you are just drifting through it without a reason? All humans need to feel like they have something to contribute to the good of the world. There is a reason we do what we do. Victor Frankl, who was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, said humans are, “characterised by an innate drive to find meaning and significance in their lives, and that failure to achieve meaning results in psychological distress.” (See more here). This desire of a purpose is also why so many people of retirement age find it so difficult to give up a career. Until they see a new purpose in life, they struggle to identify a reason to get up every day.

Feeling accepted, loved, and having a purpose can lead to a happy fulfilling life. If we work on obtaining these three things, I believe the other goodnessness  (yes, I made up that word because it fit!) of life: success, pleasure, respect, and yes, happiness, will follow as a result.