Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Brushstrokes November 3, 2013

Filed under: about me,all,painting,random,thoughts — rainey46 @ 2:39 pm
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Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.

               Henry Ward Beecher

I am lost inside my art. With every brush stroke, I am carried farther away from the troubles that inhabit my brain. I breath in the smell of the paint and see the whiteness of my canvas transform from something empty and dull into a world of color and delight. Painting quiets the noise in my head.



Close to Perfection October 27, 2013

Fall Day and Night 2013 006Yesterday was magical. It was as close to a perfect day as you could ever desire. If you read my post yesterday, you know it began with coffee and quiet reflection before the sun rose. I then fell back asleep, which I guess I needed. I had peaceful dreams and awoke feeling refreshed. I did a quick house cleaning and washed a few clothes. (So, okay, in a perfect world those things wouldn’t need to be done, but I did say it was CLOSE to perfect.)

I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon painting. I put Pandora Radio on my Kindle and listened to The Tallest Man on Earth, Gordon Lightfoot, Incubus, Mumford and Sons, Fun., Blind Melon, and many others, old and new. The air was cold, but I painted on my back porch anyway. I love a crisp fall day! While painting, I used textures for the first time. I love the look of a textured painting, but I’ve never tried it. It turned out  pretty good for my first try. It didn’t even bother me that hubs didn’t like it; I know he is not crazy about a lot of my art, but he is supportive about it. I really like it, and someone already asked to buy it!

As I was winding down my painting, I started a big pot of homemade chili and sent a text to my daughters and daughter in law (What do you call your gay daughter’s significant other? Not sure about that.) inviting them over. I set the chairs up around the fire pit and we had a few beers while eating delicious chili. The night air was cold, but the warmth of the fire kept us toasty.

This is what life is all about.

Fall Day and Night 2013 002



The Pain of Depression March 16, 2013

Filed under: about me,all,depression — rainey46 @ 5:30 pm
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I feel as though I walk in thick mud that sucks at the heels of my feet with every step I take. The energy needed to walk into the next room exhausts me. I make it back to the couch and collapse into a heap. Sleep is my refuge; except it’s not really sleep. I drift in this semi-unconscious twilight where I imagine what I could do if I did not have this blanket of darkness. I think of all the horrible actions I’ve taken in my life, and all the horrible thoughts that tumble through my brain. This is why I suffer, I tell myself with disgust. I deserve the pain I have in my heart and my head. Horrible people deserve to live horrible lives. If the shoe fits, wear it. I wear it well.

Maybe I’m already dead, and this is my Hell. Maybe I’ve already lived my life and I was so bad I died and went immediately to Hell to suffer for all eternity. Except I don’t really believe that because I do have some good days.

I tried to paint today to see if it would help. I painted almost frantically for about an hour. Then I looked at my creation and threw it in the trash. I  have no talent, just occasional glimmers of mediocrity. I have the urge to throw away everything I’ve ever created. I want to trash my paints, brushes, wires, and beads. The idea is alluring, but requires more energy than I have at the moment. Perhaps tomorrow.



The Creative Addiction June 28, 2012

One of many things on my list of things to do before my new job starts is clean my art studio. Yeah, art studio sounds fancy and professional, right? It’s really just my daughter’s, S, old bedroom converted into a craft room. It is a very small room and at the moment, beyond cluttered. It’s the room I shove everything that I’ve accumulated lately; it’s where I put stuff to do ‘later’.

It was once organized and a fun place to create. Now it just makes me shudder and close the door.

I woke up feeling the itch. If you are a creator, you know what I’m talking about. When the urge to paint, write, make jewelry, draw, or otherwise create hits me it’s like an addiction: I MUST have my fix! Today I knew I had to paint. After two cups of hot, black coffee surging through my body got me up and motivated, I stood in front of the studio door. I took a deep breath, opened the door, and stepped inside. I felt immediately overwhelmed. I panicked and closed the door. Maybe there was something else I could do.

Within fifteen minutes, I found myself back at the door. The urge was too strong, and I had to do something. I couldn’t tackle cleaning that room today, so I compromised. I gathered all my needed supplies and set up an outdoor studio on the back porch. It’s supposed to get blistering hot here today, but I dressed for the heat and set up fans.

Creating is such an important part of me. I hate that I deny myself that outlet just because I get busy or let life get in the way. My art is not great, but it’s part of me and that is enough.

I will post some pictures later. Right now, there is a paint brush and a certain shade of green that is calling me…

P.S. My friend Bird made me laugh today. She applied the recommended Links to her post and they were so random it was hilarious! So, from now on, I plan on applying all the recommended Links  and the Tags because it makes me laugh! Thanks for the idea, Bird!


Trees and Flowers April 27, 2012

Trees and flowers are my favorite things to draw and paint.



Back in the Studio…Sorta April 7, 2012

I worked in my studio some today. It still doesn’t feel quite right; I can’t really get into it for some reason. I’m going to try again tomorrow. Maybe if I get up first thing and go in there and paint, I can find my muse again. I miss painting, and how it makes me feel. Anyway, here are some pieces that just needed the final protective spray. So at least I did something!