Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Still Alive December 16, 2020

My daughter is still alive.

If you read my blog when I first started writing back in 2012, you might wonder about her. You see, my oldest daughter is bipolar, rapid-cycling and has an eating disorder. Her 20’s were a nightmare of drugs, alcohol, suicide attempts, and health problems brought on by the aforementioned. Jane has had a difficult life, to say the least.

As her mother, I have also had my share of struggles. I will just say it: having a bipolar child is damn hard. Having an adult daughter with a mental illness is almost more difficult than when she was a child because I have no control now. She is an adult who makes her own decisions and suffers the consequences of those decisions. As her mother, all I can do is watch.

I am happy to report that Jane is still alive and has not attempted suicide in several years. She has held a steady job and is taking online classes to get a degree. She is still struggling greatly but seems to be slowly learning healthier ways to cope. Jane and I still have a great relationship and we talk often. However, there is a huge problem on the horizon.

After years of trial and error, doctors finally found a medication that kept her semi-stable. She has been on that medication now for several years with fairly good results. Last week we found out they are no longer giving discount coupons for this drug. Using our insurance and the coupon was the only way we could afford it! So last week, her doctor started the transition to a new drug to try. She is already ready to crawl out of her skin and cries over everything. She is unable to work due to being unstable. Last time it took YEARS of searching before we found what worked.

Here we go again.

 

Update October 22, 2013

Filed under: about me,all,bipolar,daughters — rainey46 @ 6:30 pm
Tags: , , ,

Okay, quick update. J stopped taking the second medication and she seems stable again. Hopefully this was just a small bump in the road. Keeping my fingers crossed…

 

Again October 20, 2013

And…here we go again. If there is anyone out there in anonymous blog-land who actually comes back more than once or twice to read about the shit-show I call my life, you should probably change channels now. You’ve heard this before, multiple times. But, it is my life, this is my blog ABOUT my life, so….

J’s meds are not working. She has been on the same one for a whole year now, and that is incredible for her. Her bipolar ups and downs (she had rapid cycling…ha-ha, I typed “rabid” by accident; that fits, too) started getting crazy about three months ago, so her doctor added another drug to help the first one. He slowly upped it to the proper dosage over a month, but it didn’t work. So, two weeks ago he weaned her back off that one and started a new one.

It’s not working. The voices in her head returned. She is more aggressive than ever, and spent most of her monthly paycheck in a week.

I just want her to be happy and stable. She deserves it. I deserve it. Is it too much to ask?

Back to the drawing board. Again.