Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Life June 7, 2014

Life is not about making perfect choices; it’s about making mistakes and learning from  your mistakes. Life is messy and not meant to be perfect. Perfect is boring and vanilla. Now, there’s nothing wrong with vanilla, but no one wants vanilla 100% of the time. Life is full of vibrant colors, each one vying to be the favorite. Don’t pick one favorite for your entire life; have different favorites depending on your mood. Colors should be savored, explored, and loved. Same as food. Life is full of flavors.  Life includes trying different tastes, different combinations, exploring the bursts of flavors in your mouth. Life is about adventures. If you don’t get out there and see the world, how will you know what you love? Every day should bring wonderment at this world around us. Life is about being in the moment and seeing, really seeing, the commonplace items we take for granted. Life is about noticing, as you drive in to work, the single yellow bloom poking through the sidewalk concrete on the side of the road. What a fighter, that bloom. We can learn from that. Life is full of emotions, both good and bad. You need the yin and the yang to have a balance and to appreciate your emotions. The trick in life is to see even the bad as a learning experience that helps you grow. Life is about getting dressed every day. No, I don’t mean the clothes you put on, but the attitude. You decide, consciously or unconsciously, to put on a good face, or give in to the negativity in your heart. It’s okay to give in sometimes because you need to allow yourself to feel all of your emotions. It’s not okay to wallow in self-pity or anger or any other negative emotion because it poisons your soul. When you allow your soul to be poisoned it’s hard, damn hard, to get rid of that poison. So life is about feeling all emotions, but not allowing day-to-day emotions poison your soul. Life is about being true to yourself and not allowing others to sway you into being what, or who, you are not. Life is about laughing long and hard and as much as possible. Life is about listening to your heart and soul, because that is how you stay true. Life is about what goes on inside  your own head. Listen, but don’t live there because it gets too lonely. Live who are truly are, not what you think others expect you to be. Life is about loving who you are, faults and all. Carry a little too much junk in the trunk? Learn to appreciate your curves. Got wrinkles? Each one tells a unique story about your long and wonderful life. Hate the way you get too bossy at times with friends? Develop a sense of humor and learn to laugh at yourself. You are the one and only you….celebrate it.

 

Life, my friends, is about living. Live, because this is the one and only life you have as you.

 

Promises February 13, 2014

Filed under: about me,all,personal,Poems,poetry,writing — rainey46 @ 3:22 pm
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Make me promises

of better days to come

I need to believe

there is still hope.

Make me promises

even if they are lies

of love yet found

and smiles yet seen.

Make me promises

of a future worth living

speak of beauty

I’ve yet to see.

Make me promises

that forever you’ll stay

holding me close

whispering new promises.

 

 

Where Were You, When I died? February 1, 2014

Filed under: about me,all,Poems,poetry — rainey46 @ 5:45 pm
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Where were you, when I died?

Watching the game

with your hand deep in a bag of chips

licking the bits from your fingertips?

Where were you, when I died?

Driving to work

mind drifting and problem-solving

as you dart in between the cars?

Where were you, when I died?

You were right here

beside me, looking past with glazed eyes

as I crumbled.

You were right here

and you never even noticed.

 

Peace December 25, 2013

I know that it is difficult for many to make it through this time of year (myself included). Just know that you are not alone in your feelings, and that there is a brighter and better tomorrow. Take a deep breathe and take it one moment at a time. If being around relatives is difficult, just remember: YOU control how you feel. Do not give others that power. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of being reactive.

If you are alone (not by choice) try volunteering at a soup kitchen or shelter. You will be lifted by what your kindness can do for others.

I wish you all peace, love, and joy this holiday season.

 

The Waiting Room December 13, 2013

The woman appears disheveled. She sits perched on the edge of the waiting room chair, swinging her petite, pajama-clad legs back and forth nervously. She hunches into her over-sized sweatshirt and pulls the hood tighter as if she wants to disappear. Her hands are clasped over her ears to keep out the noise. Anxious eyes dart around when a man takes the seat next to her. After a moment, she walks to the front desk to ask how much longer she has to wait. She’s waited six hours already. She returns, but chooses a new seat.

~

The family comes in together. The man, who appears to be the one in charge, is dressed neatly in a Green Bay Packer’s sweatshirt and pressed jeans. The younger man wears the uniform of his youth: over-sized shirt hanging over carefully sagging jeans. A sharp pair of  Nike’s complete his look.  The older woman is obviously the matriarch. The men walk her in, flanking her sides. She walks slowly, but steadily, with their help and her head held high. Two younger women trail behind, huddled together for support. Both of their dark faces glisten with fresh tears. The family gathers together and has a quiet conversation. In moments they dissolve in tears. The men comfort the matriarch as her tears deepen into sobs. The news of an impending death of a 10 year-old family member is too much to handle.

 

~

She sits with legs splayed, filling the seat with her bulk. Her gray sweatshirt is stretched tightly across her stomach. Stains show at the armpits. Oblivious to others, she continues her phone conversation. She complains loudly about various problems in her life. An older man brings her a greasy white bag which causes her to finally end the 45 minute conversation. She thanks the man and he leaves. She unwraps the first of two tin foil packages and the smell of cooked onions fills the air. The woman eats with great enthusiasm, licking her glistening fingers after every few bites. A few minutes later she unwraps the second package and consumes the other burger. Flecks of cole slaw dot her lips when she sits back with a satisfied sigh.

~

The waiting room in a hospital emergency room gives a unique glimpse into life.

 

Us December 9, 2013

Filed under: about me,all,Poems,poetry — rainey46 @ 8:21 pm
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Your words

taste like sweet honey

as they slowly drip down upon me

Your lips

speak of love and promises

and our beautiful future together

Your hands

cup my breasts

thumbs teasing me with soft circles

but,

Your eyes

give you away

inwardly gazing on the hollow truth

my eyes

refusing to see

closed to what they reject.

images (3)

 

 

You November 28, 2013

Filed under: all,love,Poems,poetry,relationships — rainey46 @ 7:46 pm
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Nude art

How many hours have I wasted

dreaming of you?

How many days are lost forever

thinking of you?

How do I continue breathing

living without you?

You are the blood that runs through my veins

You are the one who  makes me insane

You are the air that touches my lips

You are the wind caressing my hips.

How many hours have I wasted

dreaming of you?

How many days are lost forever

thinking of you?

How do I continue breathing

living without you?

 

You Smile November 9, 2013

Filed under: all,journal,life,lifestyle,love,Poems,poetry — rainey46 @ 12:09 pm
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i fall into your  eyes

like a black abyss

becoming your slave

i can’t look away

i crave you like the drug

you have become to me

you smile ’cause you know

i will beg for more

The pain you say

is pure erotic bliss

you flaunt proud scars

upon your heart

i crave you like the drug

you have become to me

you smile ’cause you know

i will beg for more

wearing your addictions

for the whole world to see

i long for you

to hold me captive again

i crave you like the drug

you have become to me

you smile ’cause you know

i will beg for more

you are the drug

i am the junkie

i fall into your arms

and find what was lost

i crave you like the drug

you have become to me

you smile ’cause you know

i will beg for more

you smile ’cause you know

i will always beg for more

 

 

 

Close to Perfection October 27, 2013

Fall Day and Night 2013 006Yesterday was magical. It was as close to a perfect day as you could ever desire. If you read my post yesterday, you know it began with coffee and quiet reflection before the sun rose. I then fell back asleep, which I guess I needed. I had peaceful dreams and awoke feeling refreshed. I did a quick house cleaning and washed a few clothes. (So, okay, in a perfect world those things wouldn’t need to be done, but I did say it was CLOSE to perfect.)

I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon painting. I put Pandora Radio on my Kindle and listened to The Tallest Man on Earth, Gordon Lightfoot, Incubus, Mumford and Sons, Fun., Blind Melon, and many others, old and new. The air was cold, but I painted on my back porch anyway. I love a crisp fall day! While painting, I used textures for the first time. I love the look of a textured painting, but I’ve never tried it. It turned out  pretty good for my first try. It didn’t even bother me that hubs didn’t like it; I know he is not crazy about a lot of my art, but he is supportive about it. I really like it, and someone already asked to buy it!

As I was winding down my painting, I started a big pot of homemade chili and sent a text to my daughters and daughter in law (What do you call your gay daughter’s significant other? Not sure about that.) inviting them over. I set the chairs up around the fire pit and we had a few beers while eating delicious chili. The night air was cold, but the warmth of the fire kept us toasty.

This is what life is all about.

Fall Day and Night 2013 002

 

 

In Over My Head, and Then, Suddenly… October 15, 2013

I am drowning. I’m in over my head is so many ways and I don’t know what to do. Life is throwing me one curve ball after another, and stress is piled so high I can’t see the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of the tunnel. Things at work are getting harder and harder; I feel so much responsibility that I fear I will crack from the weight. At home, relationships are strained and nothing is easy. I miss my dog every single day. I don’t know from one day to another if J, (daughter with bipolar disorder) will be on the roller coaster high, where she becomes agitated, angry, and sometimes exhibits risky behavior; or if she will be on the roller coaster low, where she has trouble functioning and sometimes attempts to take her life. I feel I have no one to turn to’ no one to even understand. And then, suddenly….

Someone at work thanks me. A heartfelt, real, thank you. I feel appreciated.

My two dogs greet me at the door, full of love and energy. They need me and love me.

I look at my daughter and my love for her radiates from my every pore.

I have so much.

Suddenly, my life doesn’t seem as overwhelming.

Suddenly, I feel needed and loved.

Suddenly, I know I will be okay.