Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Peaceful End July 11, 2012

Tomorrow, I have to go back to reality. My time at the lake is coming to an end. I’m sorry to see my vacation end, but I have had a wonderful time. I am happy, relaxed, and peaceful. I wish so much I could put this feeling in a bottle, and take a sip from the bottle when I need it.

image

 

Sun and Water: A Haiku July 8, 2012

image

The silver water
Dances around my fingers
In the summer sun

 

Wishing July 7, 2012

image

Wishing I had peace in my heart
Wishing J could find her center.

 

Waiting… July 6, 2012

image

Waiting for a boat ride…

 

Water Side July 3, 2012

image

Spending time on the water gives me a peace that I never feel any other time.

image

image

 

Lakeside Therapy July 1, 2012

J and her boyfriend broke up and got right back together two weeks ago. (For those who don’t know, J is my oldest daughter who suffers from an eating disorder, Bipolar, anxiety, and OCD). They semi-worked it out, but I could tell it wasn’t the same. J and I talked last night and she admitted that she was unhappy. This time, she broke up with him and she was very firm about it. She expected him to be angry but he cried instead, which really hurt her. She seems to be doing okay, but it is hard to gauge sometimes just how deep the depression is. She has been depressed for about three weeks now, so I am watching her closely.

I cared about her boyfriend, but I love my daughter. I wish him well and hope he does okay. He has issues of his own and I will worry about him, but keeping my daughter safe and alive will always come before anything and anyone. All I want is for her to be happy and healthy. She is terrified that no one will love her and she will be alone the rest of her life. She is emotionally needy and can be draining at times, but J is such a great person. I can see her with an older guy who will nurture her and give her emotional support like she needs.

I fear this summer will be an emotional roller coaster for my daughter and I. It is so hard when two people live together and have mental and emotional ‘issues’ (for lack of a better term). Sometimes it helps to get away and shake up the routine, so we are going for a drive this afternoon. We are going to see if any campsites are available on a nearby lake. If we can find a good spot we will stay for the next ten days or so. It is a BIG holiday in the states this week (4th of July), so I’m not sure we will find a site, but I pray we will. These two ladies need some lakeside therapy time.

 

All Alone with People, Ducks, and Geese May 12, 2012

As always, when I am entering depression I need alone time. I grab my camera, jump in the car, throw in some good music, and drive. I’m not a danger, (I don’t think),  but I go into a fugue state where I zone out for a while and drive by auto-pilot. When I come to, I usually find myself near water. Today was no exception.

I found myself at a small lake on the west side of a nearby town. I sat on the bench and watched the ducks, geese, and people. There was a boy, about three years old, with his grandfather who sat on the hood of the truck and ate McDonald’s. They sat together and watched the ducks while bonding over cheeseburgers and fries. Another man sat with his young son in the car. They had a snack of animal crackers and shared sippy straw juice drinks. After eating, the father carried the son to see the birds up close. The child seemed frightened of the noise the geese made, but interested in seeing them from the safety of his dad’s arms. I watched two people out in the lake fishing from a boat . They seemed content to just fish together without conversation. Maybe there was nothing to say because they just enjoyed the time together. More people stood fishing on a short pier. They, too seemed content to just be together without many words.

I feel invisible when I observe people like this. No one sees me, no one acknowledges me. I am fine with this. Where I live, I am semi-famous, well-known for my job in this small community. I like being able to fade into the background for a change.