As always, when I am entering depression I need alone time. I grab my camera, jump in the car, throw in some good music, and drive. I’m not a danger, (I don’t think), but I go into a fugue state where I zone out for a while and drive by auto-pilot. When I come to, I usually find myself near water. Today was no exception.
I found myself at a small lake on the west side of a nearby town. I sat on the bench and watched the ducks, geese, and people. There was a boy, about three years old, with his grandfather who sat on the hood of the truck and ate McDonald’s. They sat together and watched the ducks while bonding over cheeseburgers and fries. Another man sat with his young son in the car. They had a snack of animal crackers and shared sippy straw juice drinks. After eating, the father carried the son to see the birds up close. The child seemed frightened of the noise the geese made, but interested in seeing them from the safety of his dad’s arms. I watched two people out in the lake fishing from a boat . They seemed content to just fish together without conversation. Maybe there was nothing to say because they just enjoyed the time together. More people stood fishing on a short pier. They, too seemed content to just be together without many words.
I feel invisible when I observe people like this. No one sees me, no one acknowledges me. I am fine with this. Where I live, I am semi-famous, well-known for my job in this small community. I like being able to fade into the background for a change.