Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Peace December 25, 2013

I know that it is difficult for many to make it through this time of year (myself included). Just know that you are not alone in your feelings, and that there is a brighter and better tomorrow. Take a deep breathe and take it one moment at a time. If being around relatives is difficult, just remember: YOU control how you feel. Do not give others that power. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of being reactive.

If you are alone (not by choice) try volunteering at a soup kitchen or shelter. You will be lifted by what your kindness can do for others.

I wish you all peace, love, and joy this holiday season.

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Seasonal Songs..Uncut December 6, 2013

Somehow I think that some lyrics of many famous Christmas songs are not as well-known as others.

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Let’s sing some now, shall we?

Deck the Halls: Uncut

Deck the halls with tacky bling bling

fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

I wrote this song for you to sing sing,

fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Now we drink with merry pleasure

While we laugh ’bout nasty weather

fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

 

Or how about this one?

 

Oh, Christmas Tree: Uncut

Oh Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree,

Your tackiness delights us.

Oh Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree,

Your tackiness delights us.

Your costly lights oh how they shine

I cannot pay that bill of mine!

Oh Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree,

Your tackiness delights us.

Or this classic:

 

Up On the Housetop: Uncut

Up on the housetop,

reindeer slide

tired of pulling a fat man’s ride

Huffing and puffing and needing a break

Wishing he had  eaten one less steak.

 

 

The Tree Got Decorated, but Not According to Planned December 1, 2013

English: A bauble on a Christmas tree.

English: A bauble on a Christmas tree. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Like most things in my life lately, today did not go as planned.

We planned on going through all the many boxes of Christmas decorations and throwing out the junk and taking what we didn’t want to the secondhand store. We planned to decorate the tree this morning. It did get decorated…eventually.

My daughter S and her partner E came over early this morning and brought us breakfast. J got up feeling grumpy, but she seemed to shake it off. We ate and started making plans to decorate. J got upset and reminded us that she was going to church with a friend. We promised we would wait until she returned.

J has struggled a lot lately with bipolar, thyroid problems, and OCD. We are not a family that attends church, but J talked to a good friend who told her to come to her church and attend counseling with the preacher. I am not fond of this idea for several reasons, but I will save that for another post. However I kept my reservations to myself and wished her well.

She didn’t return until 2:00. She said it was great and she seemed happy. We pulled out all the boxes we needed and spread everything out in the living room. The dogs (4 of them) had played outside all day and managed to get all 16 paws filthy! S asked her sister a simple question. Nothing major; just a question.

“Are there still dishes in the sink?” (She wanted to wash paws before allowing the dogs to come in the house).

For some reason, this question from her sister sent J over the edge. She yelled at S and told her to “get off her back” and said she “couldn’t handle this right now.” She then stormed off to her room.

S looked at me and said, “I just asked her a simple question.” J SCREAMED “I can hear you, you know!” So S went to her room and tried to talk to her. She calmly told her that she just asked about the sink because the dogs needed to be cleaned, and that we had waited all day for her to help us decorate the tree, and we would really like her to join us. (S has learned how to talk to J when she gets like this from years of experience.)

S came out but J stayed in her room. We went through the motions of getting the boxes open to begin sorting, but to be honest I was in a daze and don’t really know what we were doing. After a few minutes, J comes out of her room with her keys in her  hand. I tried talking to her but she ignored me and walked past and out the door. I went after her, but she was already in the car. I told her to hand me her keys but she refused. I was so scared she would drive off and hurt herself! By this time hubs came out to help me. I kept asking and she kept refusing. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired to my very core. I looked at hubs and told him I couldn’t do this and walked away. He took the keys from her. As I reached the house I heard her scream “THEN I WILL WALK!” as she slammed her car door.

J began walking down the road. Barefoot. I don’t know what was going on in her head, and she doesn’t remember. She didn’t go far before she turned around and came back to the yard. She sat right in the ditch. Hubs walked out to her and it was as if she were coming out of some sort of fugue. She started crying hysterically and asking, “Why am I in the ditch? What happened?” He led her back to me.

We calmed her down. Then we decorated the tree.

 

 

Finding the Happy Middle

We did it. We went, we ate, we talked, and we made it out: alive and still friendly with all family members. Thanksgiving 2013: conquered.

On to Christmas. Tis the season to be jolly….to overspend on crap we don’t need…to eat until we gain weight… That is how it has felt for me the last few years.  But this year, it feels different. Not the way it was when my daughters were young, and everything was over the top. I seem to have found my Christmas spirit for the first time in a few years. I’m actually putting up a tree and a few decorations. Keep in mind, prior to 5 years ago, my house was the glow you could see on the horizon. Every bush and every tree sparkled and glowed. Icicles glimmered from the roof line, and trees peeked from every window. Then my spirit abandoned me. I didn’t even want a tree, and buying gifts was a chore.

I seem to have found a  happy middle. I’m kind of liking this.

 

It is Tomorrow December 26, 2012

It is tomorrow. We made it through the night and into a new day. J called her Doctor and made an appointment for her first intensive therapy session. I am proud of her for being so brave, because this has to be so scary for her.

I am just glad the holidays are over. Putting on a brave face and faking any degree of normalcy is so incredibly hard! I did (based on some advice from friend here on WP) keep everything very low-key; few decorations, few presents (gift bags only; no wrapping), little cooking, and little interaction with extended family. I still feel as though I am in a dense fog and I still feel dead inside. I did cry  yesterday, so I guess that is something.

It is hard to live with someone who has no understanding or tolerance for my moods or what J deals with daily. I’ve given up explaining my dark moods to him; as far as he is concerned, I am feeling “sick”. I don’t have the strength to explain or defend how I feel emotionally. All I want to do right now is sleep, write, or zone out. So that is what I will do.

At least the dogs understand; they sense my moods and have curled up here beside me.

Fog

 

Christmas Pictures December 24, 2012

SparkleMay you see the beauty and the sparkle,

Surprise

have a sweet, sweet surprise,

Polar Bear and Pup

enjoy a meaningful moment with someone you love,

AND…

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Enjoy a laugh or two.

XOXOXO

 

My Humor is Back…Because Without it, I Have Nothing! December 22, 2012

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Bahaha! Reminds me of a scene from the movie “Elf” when Elf asks the man if Santa knew he left the North Pole!

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That’s right! We handle shit these days!

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He says with mock disdain…

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Yes, having a bit of that magical substance right now!

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Another episode of Wild Kingdom

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Must have been looking at her Facebook page again!

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Le Clown as a child, perhaps?!