Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Time December 17, 2020

Filed under: life — rainey46 @ 8:44 am
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Life is constantly changing,  rolling along

I don’t want to be left behind and alone

Seconds are ticking, ticking, ticking

And here I still sit

What am I waiting for?

Time waits for no one.

Live now

before life leaves you behind.


Still Alive December 16, 2020

My daughter is still alive.

If you read my blog when I first started writing back in 2012, you might wonder about her. You see, my oldest daughter is bipolar, rapid-cycling and has an eating disorder. Her 20’s were a nightmare of drugs, alcohol, suicide attempts, and health problems brought on by the aforementioned. Jane has had a difficult life, to say the least.

As her mother, I have also had my share of struggles. I will just say it: having a bipolar child is damn hard. Having an adult daughter with a mental illness is almost more difficult than when she was a child because I have no control now. She is an adult who makes her own decisions and suffers the consequences of those decisions. As her mother, all I can do is watch.

I am happy to report that Jane is still alive and has not attempted suicide in several years. She has held a steady job and is taking online classes to get a degree. She is still struggling greatly but seems to be slowly learning healthier ways to cope. Jane and I still have a great relationship and we talk often. However, there is a huge problem on the horizon.

After years of trial and error, doctors finally found a medication that kept her semi-stable. She has been on that medication now for several years with fairly good results. Last week we found out they are no longer giving discount coupons for this drug. Using our insurance and the coupon was the only way we could afford it! So last week, her doctor started the transition to a new drug to try. She is already ready to crawl out of her skin and cries over everything. She is unable to work due to being unstable. Last time it took YEARS of searching before we found what worked.

Here we go again.


Notifications January 30, 2013

Filed under: all,blog,blogging — rainey46 @ 8:48 pm
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Okay, WordPress…WTH??? I am getting notification messages when I reply to the comments ON MY OWN POSTS!! I thought I suddenly got popular with all of those new comments, but it was only ME!!! What a let-down! 


The Unvarnished Truth of Me November 24, 2012

Hi again. It’s me, Rainey. I have missed your daily support and encouragement as I traverse through life, but I felt the need to pull back for a while. I could lie, and tell you I just got really busy, and things were going great, but that would wrong. You deserve better from me; you at least deserve the truth.

I stopped blogging for the same reason that I have, all of my life, suddenly stopped calling close friends. It’s the same reason I broke up with one or two of my old boyfriends. It’s also the same reason that, when I got married, I moved to a new town and recreated a brand new life, leaving behind everyone and everything I used to know and love. So here it is, the unvarnished truth of me:

You got too close. And you cared about me.

It’s what I do, you see. I run when anyone gets close enough to see the cracks in the veneer or to care about me at all. I will give you a piece of me, a glimpse inside, and then I pull back and run for the hills. I don’t mean to hurt people, but I do. I don’t know why I do this, and I don’t know how to make myself stop.

I bared more in this blog than I have ever told anyone in my entire life. Actually, I am super surprised that I let so much of my soul peek out before I ran. I guess the blog masked me enough that I felt some safety in allowing my true self to show. But I have only shown you glimpses. There is so much more, so much bad and good, ugly and light, humor and horror. So much more is hidden so deep inside I don’t even know what is in there anymore.

So. That is the true reason I have been gone for so long. I’m not sure yet if I have the courage to return, but I hope I do. I have missed you all dearly. And that is also the unvarnished truth.


And the Award Goes to….You, the Reader! July 31, 2012

I have received not one but TWO awards from two very special people! I know many of you don’t care for awards, but I think they are fun and a way to get to know one another better. So, first let me thank Crazy Bean Rider for selecting me for the “Seven Thingsaward (Is it an award? It is if I decide to see it that way because perception is reality!) She is blessed with a writing gift and I enjoy what she shares.

These are the rules.

1.  Thank the blogger who nominated you. THANK YOU CRAZY BEAN!!

2.  Share seven things about you.

3.  Nominate other bloggers you think deserve the award, and post on their blog to let them know they have been nominated.

Seven Things About Me

1. No one knows that I write poetry.

2. I’m very artistic, but my house is very plain. Most things I create I give away. I don’t know why I don’t decorate my home with my crafts. When I see paintings/art I created hanging on the walls in someone’s house, it startles me.

3. Strong, black coffee is a must. No questions. Just. a. must.

4. I love riding motorcycles, but I don’t drive my own. It’s not that I can’t, I would rather ride on the back so I can take pictures and look around. My favorite thing to do is fly down a curvy road on the edge of a mountain cliff.

5. I have a nice, luxury car, but I prefer to drive the old ’94  four-wheel drive Blazer. It’s more me.

6. My goal is to sell everything I own, buy a nice RV camper, and live the rest of my life in a campground.

7. I am considering getting my master’s degree. I just need to get my head right first.

The second award comes from my good friend, Dot. I have a feeling if Dot and I lived near each other, we would hang out regularly! She’s just one of those few people in the world that get it!

Here are the Rules:

1. Thank the giver. THANK YOU, DOT!

2. Post 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and let them know they’ve been nominated.

4. Include the logo of the award in a post or on your blog.

Seven things about me:

See the list at the top…I’m cheating! I’m also cheating on the passing it on; I don’t know who has received either of these, or who would even want to take part, so I’m leaving it up to you, dear reader; if you follow me and want to accept, you are nominated!


What Blogging Means to Me July 13, 2012

I began my blog, Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights, in July of 2010. It started as a way for me to let off steam while dealing with my oldest daughter’s multiple diagnoses of bipolar, eating disorder, anxiety, OCD, and ADD. I wrote a whopping thirteen times that year, then only two times in 2011. At that time, I didn’t write enough to find my voice or my fellow bloggers. Then in January of this year, I began to write again. I felt like I needed to say so many things, and not just about my daughter. This time, writing meant much more and seemed so personal; I honestly don’t know how to explain it,  but words began to pour from me in poems, stories, and ramblings.  I had so much I needed to write….and it felt GREAT!

Blogging made me see that I, too am suffering with mental issues; I’ve always been so busy taking care of everyone else in my life I didn’t allow myself to see my own afflictions. After blogging, I could read back over what I had written. It made me take more notice of my ups and downs and realized I might need professional help. I saw my doctor and will soon see a specialist due to the encouragement of the blogging community.

Next came something so amazing, so astonishing, I still can’t believe it: other bloggers began to like my words and started following my blog! That is such an incredible gift. When I have a bad day and one of my blogging buddies responds with words of wisdom BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN THERE, it means the world to me. It also feels great when I have a good day and I can cheer up a blogging friend!

I am no one special. I’ve not done anything extraordinary in my life. I am just an America gal leading an American life. Yet I now have friends all over the globe, thanks to blogging. We are all just brothers and sisters living and growing in our little corners of the world. We all struggle, we all have victories, and we all need other humans with which to interact. Blogging strips away the outer shells we normally show the world and allows us to expose our inner selves. And  you know what? It feels good to share secrets from the depths of our hearts and to have it accepted by others. It feels damn good.

So this post is for you, my fellow bloggers. I hold a glass of wine (really, it is Pepsi, but we can pretend) up to you and say, “Cheers! Here’s to friendship and understanding!” Because it doesn’t really matter that we have never met, and probably never will. True friends are there when you need them. Thanks for being there for me.






Lightness and Dark May 1, 2012

There is something fabulous about the sun shining through a dark forest. The deep, muted shades of green  accented by the sun-speckled brighter greens cast beautiful patterns. Each shade makes you appreciate the other. Without the light, there is only darkness. Without the dark, there is only lightness. We all need a little darkness and a little lightness in our lives. I  am still searching for that balance, and for the ability to truly appreciate both. That, my friends, is my journey.


Flower Photos to. . . . . .Suicide? April 22, 2012

My own flowering bushes… It is strange how a picture such as this can lead to a fiction writing about suicide. I took this picture yesterday and when I looked at it earlier today it somehow sparked the post ‘The Destruction of  Flowering Bushes’ (see previous post). It just shows you how my mind works! 🙂


Lucky 100 April 21, 2012

I have managed to reach a milestone. Actually, I have reached two milestones today. First, I wrote my 100th post earlier. It doesn’t seem like I have written that many, but according to the WordPress Gods who keep up with these things, it was number 100. This one will actually be number 101, if you are keeping count.

My second, and most important milestone is….(insert drum roll)…..I received my 100th follower today, …………………………………………….. and……………………wait for it……………… it was none other than Le Clown, from Le Clown On Fire. (If you haven’t read his blog, you should run over there now and read it).  Seriously, I am honored (honoured, for my friends across the pond) that there are FIVE people, let alone 100 who want to read anything I write.

So this thanks goes out to all 100 of you….you know who you are! 🙂 Thanks for joining me on this wild ride of life!