This Day January 20, 2013
I must memorize the sounds
of the rhythmic, crashing waves
I need to hold on to the touch
of the wind caressing my cheek
and the sun warming my skin.
I must remember the joy and happiness
I see when I gaze into your hazel eyes
and notice in your light steps.
I must capture the majestic view
of blue-green waves speckled with white foam
reaching for golden sand.
I need to bottle this incredible day
as a perfect, beautiful reminder
of life as it can be.
Take a Trip with Me! August 2, 2012
Let’s go to the beach, shall we?
You feel the warm breathe of the ocean breeze on your face. When you remove your shoes your toes wiggle and sink into the rough grains of loose sand. Some of the sand clings to your feet as you walk the path between the dunes. The sea grass sways as you stroll by, each one bowing its head as if in honor of your passing through.
As you hike closer to the top of the dunes, you hear the crashing of the ocean as it pounds the sand. The smell of salt infuses your nose and the taste creeps into your mouth as you lick your lips. The sun heats your skin and you begin to glisten. You anticipate the refreshing splash of water you soon will feel.
At the top of the dune, you pause. Stretched out in front of you is the glorious ocean. It swallows the horizon and eats away at the beach. The water is a mix of grays, blues and aquas that dance and play like lovers. White ridges rise to the top and ride the darker hues all the way to the sand, where it crashes into nothingness. You stand and stare in awe.
After gazing for a few more moments, you walk until the thick loose sand becomes flat and packed down by the receding surf. You deposit your blanket and slip off your shirt. As though mesmerized, you walk straight toward the water. As you approach, a small wave reaches out and touches your feet. The cool water makes you gasp, but the sun beating down makes it feel delicious. You continue. The next wave is not so gentle and as it slams against your knees you brace your legs for the impact. You feel the sand beneath your feet shift and slide away. A few more steps, and you are up to your thighs. You know the next wave, the one you see building in the distance, will be the one that takes you under. As the white caps rise to the top, forming a towering wall of water, you suck in your breath and close your eyes. The wave crashes over your head and envelopes you in salty coldness as it swirls around you. You rise up and gasp in air, preparing for the next wave.
I took a quick trip to the beach (just for one night) because I thought my head might explode if I didn’t get out of here for a while. It worked; I am back home, head still in one piece (well, that’s not really true, but it didn’t explode) and slightly refreshed. I really wanted to go somewhere (anywhere) so I could take pictures for my new photo blog I started …click here to see it….I just wanted a place to put pictures only, without any words other than titles.
The beach is my least favorite water to go to this time of year. I really like it in the off-season when it is cool and mostly deserted. But I am glad I went because I got some great pictures I will be sharing in the upcoming weeks.
Another reason I went was to get a break from J. (For new readers, she is my daughter who has an eating disorder, anxiety, bipolar, and OCD. She is 25 and unable to live alone.) She’s had some “female” issues lately. I went with her to the doctor because they found some abnormal cell growth. We went on Tuesday, and they said it was just all the new meds that she was taking. She continued to complain about how she felt and said the doctor was wrong, something else was wrong. J complains so much about health problems (and every other small thing in life) that I sometimes reach a point of needing to scream, hit her, or run away. I ran away (for a day) so I wouldn’t scream or hit her.
As I was driving to the beach, she called and dropped a bombshell. “I think I am pregnant.”
I went temporarily blind and deaf. All I could see were colors and lights with some darkness around the edges. I could hear my blood pounding in my head. Oh, and I think I threw up just a little.
You cannot begin to imagine what her being pregnant would mean for me. For her. For any of us in this family. But mostly, for me. Damn.
She went back to the doctor and had some more tests done. Results came in today. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? I will start with the good news: SHE IS NOT PREGNANT!!!!!! I am so thankful I could cry. But….the bad news….she has a type of STD. FOR THE SECOND TIME. And, get this, it is NOT from the boyfriend she just had the big breakup with! I am so very angry with her right now. She is sleeping around, again, taking these huge risks with her life (and my life, really) and acts so damn casual about it. I know, I know….Bipolar manic stages can make you more promiscuous; she is a 25 year-old with a mind of her own. I know all of this, and yet I am so angry at her. She lives with me (and will forever unless she meets someone who will love her and take care of her) because she cannot live alone. Her anxiety level is too high, she has HUGE money issues, and she just cannot do it. Everything she does, or doesn’t do, affects me as well. She is extremely self-centered and loves to keep drama going on. Right now I just want to kick her in the ass for being so stupid!
Please know, I am just venting. I do not, and will not, get physical with J. I truly love my daughter more than life itself. She can be a kind, caring person. I actually enjoy spending time with her….when we are not in crisis.
I’m glad I went to the beach. It probably saved my head from exploding. I may need to go to the mountains soon…
Top 5 Reasons Why I Love Summer June 5, 2012
I am fortunate to live in a part of the world where we have distinct seasons. Each one holds something special and has a place in my heart.
1. Endless Possibilities: A feeling leftover from childhood, but summer seems to hold the promise of so many possibilities. Want to go swimming? No problem. Grow flowers that call out to the butterflies, or vegetables to place on your table? Go for it. Want to create crafts with the little ones all day? Plenty of time for it. With longer, warmer days, summer is the perfect time for everything you ever wanted to do.
2. Warm Temperatures and Cool Dips: If you like warm days by the pool or on the beach, summer is the perfect season. I’m not a fan of super hot days, but I do enjoy the warmth of the sun on my body as long as I can take a cool dip in the water. This makes for a perfect contrast on a perfect day.
3. Summertime Bargain Shopping: Again, conditioned by my school years followed by years of taking my girls shopping, I love the sales the stores have in the summer! On the hottest of days, there is nothing better than slipping into a favorite (air-conditioned) store and finding a hot bargain!
4. Explorations: Summer has always been a time when I enjoy exploring something new. From something big, like the motorcycle trip I took to Nova Scotia, to something small, like checking out the new used bookstore in town, summer holds new adventures. Summer has always been a season of discoveries, both large and small.
5. The Promise of Autumn: By the end of the long, hot summer I am ready for a change. I know that soon autumn will arrive, and I can appreciate the glorious colors, the crispness of the air, and the tartness of fresh apples.
Let Summer Begin May 28, 2012
This weekend is the unofficial start of summer here in the states. Most of the people in my area flock to the beach and fire up the grill. Since I am chilling on the couch with a hurt foot, I thought I would post some shots of the beach from last summer.
Today is actually Memorial Day, a day set aside to honor our fallen military. My heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones.
The Good Sounds and Smells of Childhood April 27, 2012
The sun going down over the darkening sea, the sound of gentle waves rolling in on the sandy beach, and the smell of salt in the air; all are reminders of some of the best childhood memories I have. My family and I spent many wonderful days there together.