Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Bohemian Song October 27, 2013

Here I am

in the October sun

Not looking for love

just looking for fun

~

A nomad at heart

I don’t stay around long

I put miles behind me

with a bohemian song

~

Drinking a  beer

hat pulled way down low

It’s not even five

but I’m itching to go

~

A nomad at heart

I don’t stay around long

I put miles behind me

with a bohemian song

~

No chains to hold me

no people in my way

I go where the wind blows

never will I stay

~

A nomad at heart

I don’t stay around long

I put miles behind me

with a bohemian song

~

This life is for me

I like it better this way

I see what I want

something different each day

~

A nomad at heart

I don’t stay around long

I put miles behind me

with a bohemian song

~

I put miles behind me

with a bohemian song.

my road

 

Art Festival and Nourishment of My Soul July 29, 2013

Artist at work

Artist at work

Those are panoramic photographs on the right

Those are panoramic photographs on the right

Lots of people!

Lots of people!

Metal art

Metal art

I took a nice, much-needed trip to a festival in the mountains. Seeing the beautiful artwork of others really inspired me. It also made me feel great about my own work. Sometimes I feel like my work is so…untalented…not good enough. I know people TELL me it’s good, but you know how that goes; these people love me (or at least like me and must see me regularly). After seeing the art for sale….that people were BUYING, I feel like my work (some of it) might actually sell in the right market. So I’ve decided to try it. I’m going to complete as many pieces as I can, then sign up for a booth at a local festival.

As for my trip, it helped to clear my head. I’ve been in a fog the last few weeks. Not really depressed, just existing. I’ve just watched the hours turn into days. Now I feel ready to do something. I have a purpose again.

I’m including a few pictures of the festival. It was great! I sat on the sidewalk, eating Thai food, listening to a local band, and watching the people walk by and thought what a wonderful life it would be to travel to various festivals and sell art you lovingly crafted. That fits my ideal lifestyle! I met such interesting people and had great conversations about art and life. My soul feels nourished again.

 

Gypsy Vs. Small Town Me March 30, 2013

I am so restless. I itch to make things happen, and yet I do nothing. Is it because I am scared? Is it because I am just a lazy dreamer? Is it because I don’t know how to start? I don’t really know.

Am I destined to live my life with this restless spirit, or is there some way I can live this life I have and satisfy my desire to wander? It is like I am two people in one: one reliable person who is the wife and mother living in Small Town, USA. This person baked cookies, made homemade jelly, coached softball, and taught all the neighborhood kids how to create awesome science projects. She desired a house with a big yard and traditional furnishings. She is the good wife, daughter, and mother. The other person inside of me is a gypsy. She doesn’t care about social norms; she lives by her own set of rules. She believes in the spiritual goodness found in nature. Her one desire is to wander the earth to see all there is to see. Her life is found in a traveling caravan. She creates beautiful things just for the sake of beauty.

I know we all have different parts of our personalities, but mine seem to be constantly waging war with one another because they are polar opposites. The older I get, the more Gypsy me tries to take over. It’s like I have been what society expects me to be for as long as I could, and now I feel restless and rebellious to let the ‘real’ me take over. I want to see things, do things, have experiences that Small Town me could never do. Some times I am disgusted by what I allowed myself to become, because it is not the me I hold in my heart.

So, do I just walk away from this life? How do you walk away from a family that  you love? YOU DON’T! So how do you find a peaceful way to allow the Gypsy me to be satisfied without harming the people and life I led? I feel selfish just THINKING these thoughts; I lived my life putting my family before me. I have much to be thankful for; please know I am not complaining nor do I take what I have for granted. I just know this restlessness is not going away…it is growing stronger day by day.

flower5

 

Today’s Adventure January 19, 2013

Today was a day of exploration of a seaside town. J and I decided to get away, just the two of us. We walked the historic district, and I took some (hopefully) great shots of the buildings.  I spent an hour in a local used book store! We enjoyed a great cup o’ Joe at a local shop, walked a river walk section of town, and had lunch at a local burrito restaurant. The weather was perfect for our day! J was in good spirits, so it was very enjoyable spending time with her. After lunch, we went down to the beach and took pictures.  I discovered a little sound side park with beautiful twisted trees. All-in-all, it was a wonderful and relaxing day!

Beachwalk

 

 

Photos, Adventures, and Thinking: Recipe for a Great Day January 12, 2013

It was a beautiful day for an adventure. I traveled far, but didn’t get as many shots as I wanted. I’m okay with that, though, because the journey itself was soothing and somewhat restored my good spirits. Traveling gives me time to ponder many of life’s questions, and reflect on the problems in my soul. More on some of my thoughts later. For now I will say: I realized I have spent too much of my life living for others because I thought it was the “right” thing to do. Thinking of my own needs only made me feel selfish. I must work to change that mindset because it makes me miserable and only enables others to be more dependent on me. That may seem simple to you, but it is a life-changing thought for me.

It has been a long and lovely day.

Amber Waves and Blue Skys

 

 

Adventure is Good For the Soul January 11, 2013

Going on a camera adventure tomorrow to lift my spirits; stay tuned!

 

Oasis Path

 

Wandering Photographer January 6, 2013

I took a friend’s advice and took the day off yesterday…with my camera. ( Thanks for the idea, Hannah…BTW, you can meet Hannah here…she’s worth following, trust me.) I actually went for a long ride…traveling through three states…and took pictures along the way.  Nothing planned; if it was something that caught my eye, I stopped and clicked away. I know locals were driving by thinking, “What the hell? That chick must be cray cray…she’s standing beside a busy highway taking pictures of the old Jenkins house”…..but I DON’T CARE! It was fabulous! It was entertaining! And I saw some great things. This may need to be my new weekend hobby! See more of my photo adventures on my photo blog…Rainey’s View, if you care to look. 🙂

“What are you doing this weekend? Want to go to the mall or Target to look at stuff we cannot afford to buy?”

“No, I’ve got plans to fill my car up with gold gas and drive around to find broken down buildings, fields full of cows and cow shit, and graffiti covered trains to photograph. Want to go? I only got chased once by that pissed-off farmer with the gun….and that angry bull when I tried to get up close and personal. It’s lots of fun.”

And I wonder why I have no close friends.

On the Farm

 

Hope On a New Day December 29, 2012

Today is a beautiful day. Nothing has changed except perhaps my attitude. Getting away with my camera just brings me such peace. It helps my mind focus on the little details in the world that I forget about when I am embracing the constant crisis in my life. It reminds me of the small things that make life wonderful. Breathing in the crisp winter air as I notice how the sunlight filters through the bare branches of the trees. Noticing the shadows cast across the worn wood of an old abandoned house. Gazing at the rusting train tracks as they converge on the far horizon.

My mind is so often trapped in survival mode that the stress I feel can be overwhelming. I have no respite from the constant worry. I have no one who truly understands the unique position I am in; but I guess we could all say that. My hope lies in writing, taking photos,listening to music, and my art (when I can focus on it…it’s been a year now since I walked in my studio.) So here I am, dear reader….even if no one reads, it feels great to write.

Blue Tangled Night

 

Mostly Sunny, With a Chance of Tears December 28, 2012

Do you ever wake up knowing that if you don’t get out and do something, anything, for yourself that you will simply go mad? Yeah; that was me today. I never heard my daughter, J, come home last night. I went to bed around midnight. I did finally hear from her around 10:00 pm when she sent a text saying she was fine, and hanging out with friends. I asked her about therapy and she said it was “okay”. I didn’t push; whatever happens in therapy stays in therapy, right?

So I woke up feeling antsy and hyped. I told hubs I needed to get out and wanted to go somewhere to snap some pictures with my lost-and-now-found camera. We jumped in the car and cruised to a small town about an hour away. We walked the streets and enjoyed the crisp air as I snapped to my heart’s content. I love seeing the world through the lens of my camera. I see and notice things that are easily overlooked with the naked eye.

exploring on a cold december day

I also love old abandoned houses. I was able to get some great shots of a few we passed along the way. (If interested, you can check out some on my photo blog, Rainey’s View. A good abandoned house shot is this one.) I always wonder about the lives that were lived in these houses; who lived and loved there? Why did they leave it behind? My imagination sometimes gets carried away…

Afterward, we stopped in a revitalized downtown area for a late lunch. I sat in the booth by the window and watched couples stroll by. Again, my imagination runs wild as I invent stories of love and hate around the unsuspecting people within my view. I’m sure most would be amused by the fantastic sagas I create for them.

Now, 151 camera shots later, my adventure is over and I am back home. J has not left her bed except to eat. She appears down again, but not wanting to talk. All I can do is offer to listen when she needs it and I am able to handle it. (When I am in a dark mood, sometimes I cannot be there for her and it gives me deep pain in my heart.) I had a lovely sunny day, but now I fear there is a great chance of tears in the forecast.

 

Take a Trip with Me! August 2, 2012

Let’s go to the beach, shall we?

You feel the warm breathe of the ocean breeze on your face. When you remove your shoes your toes wiggle and sink into the rough grains of loose sand. Some of the sand clings to your feet as you walk the path between the dunes. The sea grass sways as you stroll by, each one bowing its head as if in honor of your passing through.

As you hike closer to the top of the dunes, you hear the crashing of the ocean as it pounds the sand. The smell of salt infuses your nose and the taste creeps into your mouth as you lick your lips. The sun heats your skin and  you begin to glisten.  You anticipate the refreshing splash of water you soon will feel.

At the top of the dune,  you pause. Stretched out in front of you is the glorious ocean. It swallows the horizon and eats away at the beach. The water is a mix of grays, blues and aquas that dance and play like lovers. White ridges rise to the top and ride the darker hues all the way to the sand, where it crashes into nothingness. You stand and stare in awe.

After gazing for a few more moments, you walk until the thick loose sand becomes flat and packed down by the receding surf. You deposit your blanket and slip off your shirt.  As though mesmerized, you walk straight toward the water. As  you approach, a small wave reaches out and touches your feet. The cool water makes you gasp, but the sun beating down makes it feel delicious. You continue. The next wave is not so gentle and as it slams against your knees you brace your legs for the impact. You feel the sand beneath your feet shift and slide away. A few more steps, and you are up to your thighs. You know the next wave, the one you see building in the distance, will be the one that takes you under. As the white caps rise to the top, forming a towering wall of water, you suck in your breath and close your eyes. The wave crashes over your head and envelopes you in salty coldness as it swirls around you. You rise up and gasp in air, preparing for the next wave.