Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Will You Still Love Me? May 16, 2013

Filed under: about me,all,picture,pictures,Poems,poetry — rainey46 @ 8:32 pm
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Will you still love me

Will you still love me

when you witness the wretched, fire-breathing demons

that crawl through my head?

 

Will you still love me

when venomous words (that I don’t really mean)

spew from my lips?

 

Will you still love me

when  you discover my horrible secret truth

that no one knows?

 

Will you still love me

with all of your heart and soul

when I am hardest to love?

 

Will you still love me?

 

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Moments April 13, 2013

Moments are slipping into memories. Make them worth remembering.

~Rainey

 

 

The End of the Day

 

 

 

 

Gypsy is Home With Paint in Her Hair April 1, 2013

Since I am off work for an entire, glorious, much-needed week, I am giving the gypsy some free rein. Well, as much free rein as I can since I have no money to travel.

So, Small Town me is in the back seat. That’s right, she is no longer in the driver’s seat…for at least a week! I dusted off my paint brushes and turned gypsy loose. My arms, hands, and shoulder length brown hair are streaked with hues of yellow, green and blue. I move between the back porch and my studio, both dogs trailing behind me. I am at my happiest when creating something. I’ve already thrown away two pieces (I’m a little rusty) but I don’t even care! I completed one piece using my wood burning kit and I love it. It’s for my camper. Another piece, seen below, is very vivid and fun. I had a great time painting it and I plan to actually hang this one up in my house! That is something I seldom do for some reason.

I sold another cell phone cover on Society 6! It was created from one of my photographs. It makes me happy to know someone will use something I created. ūüôā

I’m trying hard to keep gypsy in control because I need that release right now. Things are not doing well with J. She’s been having cramps and female problems for the past month. They think she might have a cyst and she is taking this very badly. J is an emotional wreck, wanting to talk and dwell over every pain. This is something I just cannot do right now! Don’t get me wrong; I am sympathetic. I had problems when I was younger and had a¬†hysterectomy¬†when I was only 25. It’s just that I need a break, but when I tried to explain that to her she became offended. She has always tried to control things, especially ME. Control is one of her issues. She is trying her hardest to pull me in, but I can’t do it. Not right now. So, I keep my distance.

She just got home from another appointment. She walked in and said accusingly, ” I tried to call you.” Just her tone set me on edge, so without thinking I retorted, “And I didn’t answer.” She glared at me and stomped off. I yelled after her and asked what the doctor said, but she replied, “Never mind now. That’s why I called. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” And with that, she went to her room and firmly shut the door.

Heavy sigh. Sometimes I cannot win. All I know is I cannot make her happy. It is not my job to make her (or anyone else) happy. So I will go back outside to the porch and turn gypsy loose on that next canvas…

random days 009

 

 

Gypsy Vs. Small Town Me March 30, 2013

I am so restless. I itch to make things happen, and yet I do nothing. Is it because I am scared? Is it because I am just a lazy dreamer? Is it because I don’t know how to start? I don’t really know.

Am I¬†destined to live my life with this restless spirit, or is there some way I can live this life I have and satisfy my desire to wander? It is like I am two people in one: one reliable person who is the wife and mother living in Small Town, USA. This person baked cookies, made homemade jelly, coached softball, and taught all the neighborhood kids how to create awesome science projects. She desired a house with a big yard and traditional furnishings. She is the good wife, daughter, and mother. The other person inside of me is a gypsy. She doesn’t care about social norms; she lives by her own set of rules. She believes in the spiritual¬†goodness¬†found in nature. Her one desire is to wander the earth to see all there is to see. Her life is found in a traveling caravan. She creates beautiful things just for the sake of beauty.

I know we all have different parts of our personalities, but mine seem to be constantly waging war with one another because they are polar opposites. The older I get, the more Gypsy me tries to take over. It’s like I have been what society expects me to be for as long as I could, and now I feel restless and¬†rebellious¬†to let the ‘real’ me take over. I want to see things, do things, have experiences that Small Town me could never do. Some times I am disgusted by what I allowed myself to become, because it is not the me I hold in my heart.

So, do I just walk away from this life? How do you walk away from a family that ¬†you love? YOU DON’T! So how do you find a peaceful way to allow the Gypsy me to be satisfied without harming the people and life I led? I feel selfish just THINKING these thoughts; I lived my life putting my family before me. I have much to be thankful for; please know I am not complaining nor do I take what I have for granted. I just know this restlessness is not going away…it is growing stronger day by day.

flower5

 

I Created and They Bought… February 17, 2013

I am amazed. Yesterday, I placed some of my photos online to sell and I have already sold TWO! One is a small print and the other is an Iphone case. The company makes most of the money, but i don’t even care. To me, this is not about money. It ¬†just blows me away that someone would PAY MONEY for something I created! WOW! The creative side of me is doing ¬†a happy dance (it looks like a cross between The Harlem Shake, Gangnam Style, and a life-ending seizure) and hyperventilating…

 

Everyday Love February 14, 2013

everyday love

 

Wish You Were Here February 10, 2013

Wish you were here by Incubus

 

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