Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Despair November 27, 2013

Filed under: about me,all — rainey46 @ 12:57 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I feel a depth of despair that makes me physically have pain in my chest. J took 5 Xanax last night with a half a bottle of rum. She also informed me that she has drunk almost nightly to quiet the voices in her head.

Her doctor is at a loss about what to do. Her thyroid is messed up from the medicine she has tried for bipolar/OCD. The medicine for the thyroid causes horrible side effects. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, seems to work for long, and if it does, she develops side effects that are so bad she has to stop taking the original medicine.

I feel selfish. I want to run far, far away and never come back. I want to kick her out of my house so that I can have a normal life for at least a few years before I die. I want to leave her, him, and everyone else I know and drive off, never looking back.

Instead, I will continue to cry myself to sleep at night while hubs stays up to avoid seeing me like this. I will continue to fill my days with meaningless words and motions while I dream of better things.

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3 Responses to “Despair”

  1. backonmyown Says:

    My heart goes out to you and J and your family. I’m so sorry.

  2. You’re an amazing person! Your situation sounds extremely hard. I’m sorry you are having to face this, but I also admire your strength and selflessness. Take care.


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