Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Again October 20, 2013

And…here we go again. If there is anyone out there in anonymous blog-land who actually comes back more than once or twice to read about the shit-show I call my life, you should probably change channels now. You’ve heard this before, multiple times. But, it is my life, this is my blog ABOUT my life, so….

J’s meds are not working. She has been on the same one for a whole year now, and that is incredible for her. Her bipolar ups and downs (she had rapid cycling…ha-ha, I typed “rabid” by accident; that fits, too) started getting crazy about three months ago, so her doctor added another drug to help the first one. He slowly upped it to the proper dosage over a month, but it didn’t work. So, two weeks ago he weaned her back off that one and started a new one.

It’s not working. The voices in her head returned. She is more aggressive than ever, and spent most of her monthly paycheck in a week.

I just want her to be happy and stable. She deserves it. I deserve it. Is it too much to ask?

Back to the drawing board. Again.



6 Responses to “Again”

  1. Al Says:

    I thought it was going so well. 😦

    • rainey Says:

      This has been the longest she has been stable since…really, since she was a kid. I shouldn’t complain, but this med combo seemed so good…until it was not. I just really hoped it was the “magic Bullet” that would give me back my daughter. Oh well.

      • Al Says:

        Yeah I can understand. Although not to level of your daughter, my sister’s son is on meds to adjust his behaviour. But that is for the safety of everyone around him as well as himself.

        Every day that I saw a post from you and it wasn’t bad news, I was happy even if I didn’t get the chance to comment due to time. I hope this is just a glitch and that it will calm again. It is a hope.

  2. ksbeth Says:

    i’m sorry to hear this, it must be a very challenging time for both of you. i hope that she regains her balance very soon –

    • rainey Says:

      Thanks. It is the life we have, and most of the time I take it in stride. But laying in bed, holding your 26 year old daughter as she sobs that she doesn’t want to hurt anyone is enough to send anyone over the edge at times. We will be okay; it just helps to have a safe place to vent. Thanks, Ksbeth. You are a good person.

  3. Bipolar is an inexact disorder. I was reading a message board the other day and some people had been on the same med for 20 years. Others, like me, have to change every year or two. Longest a med ever worked was 3 years, for me. Most quit at about a year. It is maddening and frustrating. The roller coaster ride sucks, for me, for everyone. But what do you do? You just keep going, even when your doctor seems to think you’re trying on different dress sizes with each med change, for fun. There is nothing fun about it.
    I wish you and your daughter the best, Sweetie. But since this is the boat I am in too, I know the best is horribly lacking.

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