Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Love From Afar July 1, 2013

I finally did something I have dreaded. In fact, I put it off for two weeks. Each time I thought of doing it, I found some great excuse not to. And I feel bad, REALLY bad, for having those feelings of dread. Guilt racks my body when I think of it. But, it is what it is, and I feel how I feel, right?

I finally called my mother.

I know how that sounds. It sounds like I am a horrible daughter (and I can be), or that she is a horrible mother (she can be). But I am trying to be transparently honest here in bloggo land, so here is the truth: I didn’t want to call her because of Riley.

My parents are not “dog people”. They both know how I am about animals because I’ve been that way my entire life. Every stray dog that came through the neighborhood got a good meal, de-ticked, a good bath, and a good dose of attention from me. Every time I begged to keep the dog, and every time the answer was no. I’m also the kid who found a wounded bat and kept it as a pet until my mom found out. As well as a bullfrog, various lizards, cats…..you get the picture. I’m crazy about animals and would live on a farm if I could.

My parents also knew how much Riley meant to me. I had my daughter email them when he died because I knew I could not carry on a normal conversation with anyone at that time. (Neither could she; that’s why she emailed). I also knew that my mom, who is well-known for having no tact, would piss me off. And of course, she did.

Some of her comments: ” He’s just a dog. Get over it already.”  “What did you expect? He was sick. Didn’t you know it?” “You got another one of the same breed? What is wrong with  you?” “You always acted stupid about animals anyway. You shouldn’t have any.”

I love my mom. I do have a love-hate relationship with her, though. This is the same woman who accused me of lying when I told her I was molested as a child. She also thinks J should “get over it”….in other words, get over bipolar.

My parents are old. I know I will be devastated when something happens to them. But most days, I have to love them from afar.



8 Responses to “Love From Afar”

  1. ksbeth Says:

    I had to do the very same thing with my own mother at times, it really was best for both of us and only way I could handle it without being upset by her over and over again. Do what you need to do, you know yourself and what’s good for you and don’t feel any guilt for it. Find your family in places and people and animals you feel supported and love by. )

  2. lala1966 Says:

    I can sure understand what you are saying about moms xx

  3. I don’t know about you, but after almost 60 years of this trying-to-have-a-real-relationship-with-Mom stuff, and coming back and back and each time hoping she will have morphed into the wonderful compassionate mother I need, and always finding the same sniping, gaslighting, belittling, mocking….sorry, I’ll stop there. I wish I had the courage to do this: http://lookingforthemissingme.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/ending-the-toxic-relationship-and-giving-yourself-time-and-space-to-find-yourself/ but I don’t think I do. So I’ll do the next best thing, which is to move back to the other side of the planet, 7,000 miles away from the old tyrant. I’m really sorry that, in the midst of your grief, you didn’t even get to hear:
    “I’m so sorry, honey, I know how much you loved Riley. I hope you have your new puppy for many years to come.” There, I’ve said it for her.

    • rainey Says:

      That.Was. Wonderful. You are such a good person! I wish I could move far away, but I live 20 minutes from her. However she doesn’t come over here anymore (my dogs stink and jump on her) and I go over there only when I feel strong enough (which is not often). Most of the time I let her roll off of me, but at times like this….well, you get it.
      Thanks for the wonderful feedback and the great link!

  4. A former therapist met my mom and my sister during a crisis in which my sister started cracking up from bipolar. After witnessing the dynamic present, the counselor told me, “You really are the normal one in the family. Those people are toxic. Limit your dealings with them, love them from afar so they don’t destroy you.”
    Good advice, considering my mom tears me down in one way or another every single time I see her.

  5. sakuraandme Says:

    I know where your coming from and I hug you as a result of that. Nothing worse than when someone tells you to get over it! What the hell? And get over Bipolar? right, just show me the manual then! LMAO Hey, you still love them and that’s the main thing. Some people, even our parents, are just plain ignorant. Hugs to you…Paula xxx

  6. Alex H Says:

    Awesome……..Just Awesome Share.I love it.Looking forward for more.Alex,Thanks.

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