Back to the trenches today. It was nice to have some time off for the holidays, but since I enjoy having a roof over my head and food on the table I had to return to work today. It wasn’t bad, really. I enjoy working, I just don’t enjoy getting up at 5:00 am every day. I WILL go to bed early tonight!
J (my daughter) is extremely manic today. She is sometimes aggressive (not physically) toward me when she is manic, and today was no exception. I try to stay calm but I don’t always do a good job. Sometimes I just want to scream LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAD A LONG DAY, TOO! She gets loud, demanding of attention, and talks like a whirlwind. If you try to calm her or do anything else she gets angry and it just gets worse. Some days, even when she’s NOT depressed, are just hard. Many days are hard, actually.
Do you ever wish you could stop the clock and spend some time doing things you WANT or NEED to do? I would write, take photographs, draw, make jewelry, paint…anything creative! There is never enough time in the day for all I want to do. While at work today, my mind kept drifting….thinking about something I want to write, or pictures I could take. It is almost like a drug to me because it calms my nerves and makes me happy. It’s too bad I can’t retire early and create things for the rest of my life!
I realize this is a very rambling post, but my brain feels “rambly” today. (Yes, spell check told me rambly is not a word, but it fits, so it stays.) There are things I want to say, but they all feel very disconnected. I think dealing with J has set me a
little lot on edge.