Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Mostly Sunny, With a Chance of Tears December 28, 2012

Do you ever wake up knowing that if you don’t get out and do something, anything, for yourself that you will simply go mad? Yeah; that was me today. I never heard my daughter, J, come home last night. I went to bed around midnight. I did finally hear from her around 10:00 pm when she sent a text saying she was fine, and hanging out with friends. I asked her about therapy and she said it was “okay”. I didn’t push; whatever happens in therapy stays in therapy, right?

So I woke up feeling antsy and hyped. I told hubs I needed to get out and wanted to go somewhere to snap some pictures with my lost-and-now-found camera. We jumped in the car and cruised to a small town about an hour away. We walked the streets and enjoyed the crisp air as I snapped to my heart’s content. I love seeing the world through the lens of my camera. I see and notice things that are easily overlooked with the naked eye.

exploring on a cold december day

I also love old abandoned houses. I was able to get some great shots of a few we passed along the way. (If interested, you can check out some on my photo blog, Rainey’s View. A good abandoned house shot is this one.) I always wonder about the lives that were lived in these houses; who lived and loved there? Why did they leave it behind? My imagination sometimes gets carried away…

Afterward, we stopped in a revitalized downtown area for a late lunch. I sat in the booth by the window and watched couples stroll by. Again, my imagination runs wild as I invent stories of love and hate around the unsuspecting people within my view. I’m sure most would be amused by the fantastic sagas I create for them.

Now, 151 camera shots later, my adventure is over and I am back home. J has not left her bed except to eat. She appears down again, but not wanting to talk. All I can do is offer to listen when she needs it and I am able to handle it. (When I am in a dark mood, sometimes I cannot be there for her and it gives me deep pain in my heart.) I had a lovely sunny day, but now I fear there is a great chance of tears in the forecast.


4 Responses to “Mostly Sunny, With a Chance of Tears”

  1. backonmyown Says:

    Hi Rainey. I’m happy that you have found your camera. You must feel more complete with it in hand.

  2. Glad you found your camera and got to have some cuddle time with it, I know I’d be utterly lost and disconsolate without mine.

    I took a quick peek-see through your blog and all I can say is, damn girl, you are made of iron. You’re going through a horribly dark time but you keep shining, even if you feel like you’re not. I suffer from clinical depression as well, possibly complicated by cyclothymia (doctors never really had time to finishing coming up with a diagnoses for me, I kinda freaked and ran out of therapy). I cannot even imagine how hard it is for you to keep functioning when you’re also being that pillar of strength for your daughter.

    I know it probably isn’t financially feasible but if you can, try to get yourself into therapy too. Caregivers often allow themselves to suffer and come to harm themselves because they are so focused on healing those in their care, it is called compassion fatigue. http://www.compassionfatigue.org can give you more information.

    Take care of yourself, and you’ll be both happier and better able to help your daughter. I wish you both the very best and will be stopping by to say hello.

    • rainey Says:

      Mental illness is such a bother, you know? Luckily I am basically an optimist (The glass is half full of water AND half full of air) when the depression is not plunging me into the darkness. Therapy is very expensive, so I try to work out my issues in other (usually) constructive ways. I am a work in progress, and I do hope to have some therapy along the way. I do take medication and that keeps the men with the little white coats away! Thanks for the web site; I will go there now and check it out. Thanks for stopping by! ~Rainey

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