Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

I Will Survive December 27, 2012

I survived the past 24 hours by sleeping. J seems to be doing well so far today. Her appointment is not until late this afternoon, so hopefully she will have a good day.

Today is a cold, but bright and sunny day. I love the cold and hope the sun doesn’t warm it up too much. If I had my camera I would go outside and look for something interesting to shoot. I really, really miss my camera!

I NEED to clean house and wash clothes, but things like that are not as important to me as they used to be. I guess when you’ve repeatedly wiped the vomit from your daughter’s face after yet another suicide attempt, dirty dishes in the sink kinda loses its position on the Top-Things-That-Are-Important List. I used to keep an incredibly clean house; not so much anymore. When J moved back in with us because she couldn’t handle living on her own, she brought back with her the messiness and disregard of others that she always had. Yes, I raised her better than that; but when depression joins in the party, J is unable to do the simplest tasks. She also becomes very overwhelmed when the mess in her room piles up. It’s after the next round of mania that she can clean it up. Me? I just don’t feel motivated to clean baseboards and ceiling fans anymore.



10 Responses to “I Will Survive”

  1. Alastair Says:

    Hope it all goes well for you today

  2. backonmyown Says:

    Forget the dust. Not important. Go for a walk. Take pictures with your phone. I’m really sorry about your camera. I imagine you feel lost without it. Sending positive thoughts your way, dear Rainey.

  3. MBC Says:

    Surviving is ok. The good moments will come. I think J will end up making you look at your world through a different view. Don’t beat yourself up. You need that energy for the adventure you have ahead.

  4. H. Stern Says:

    Messes can wait. I doubt anyone’s last breath was ever preceded by, “Someone hand me the dust rag!”

  5. Ann Says:

    I view untidiness as a rebellion against the state of things. Eventually I tire of the disorder. But that can take a bit. Honestly, is it sanitary? If not…paper plates.

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