Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Before I Go Insane July 23, 2012

User:Grunt's insane stamp.

User:Grunt’s insane stamp. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I live, day in, day out

the same, the same, the same

I need a diversion,

a change in the game


a ripple in the stagnant pool

of my so-called wonderful life

that will make me bleed

like the sharp edge of a knife


because a break from the sameness

even bleeding and pain

might finally make me feel alive

before I go completely insane.







15 Responses to “Before I Go Insane”

  1. purpleowltree1234 Says:

    ((((safe hugs)))) I’m pleased you haven’t clammed up, that you are still sharing with us about this place you are in, with honesty and rawness. It is entirely okay to be real. I hear you saying life is intolerable the way it is for you now. Be ever so gentle on you, my friend. One step at a time. Let us know how you are, what you are thinking and feeling, as you feel safe to share. And let us know about any counselor you see. I think if you find one who is trustworthy and respectful of you and your wishes, it would be an immeasureable support for you through this. Thank you for sharing with us. I care. I’m listening.
    Love from Rach.

  2. S. Says:

    Reblogged this on The Secret World of S. and commented:
    A wonderful(ly dark) poem from a wonderful lady. I think everyone feels this way at one time or another.
    xo – S.

  3. lily Says:

    Good poem, but ouch Rainey, I feel your pain and oppression. When I’ve felt like this, I’ve tried to take myself somewhere. It can be via a delicious book or film with a setting in a beautiful place, a concert (yep, I go to those, and movies, by myself sometimes) or a visit to a friend or relative. I am sorry that you feel as you do and I hope your tomorrow will be better; nothing lasts but change. You are likely so bothered because you are sane : ) Hugs, ~ Lily

    • rainey Says:

      I don’t know about the sane part, but thank you. 🙂 Just writing the poems/posts, depressing as they may be, helps me to feel better. It always has. I’ve written my entire life, but never allowed anyone to read what I wrote. (Well, I did once, and their reaction was so strong and negative I never did it again. They couldn’t handle the deepness and blackness of my soul, lol). I know that things get better; I’m already feeling a little more upbeat after a long hard week.
      I will say the input from my blogging friends keeps me going when the darkness threatens. It is so hard being in a situation where no one understands the depth of my emotions. Then I found my fellow sufferers! I am no longer alone. (sad smile)
      Hugs, ~Rainey

      • rainey Says:

        Oh, PS, Lily, I did get out today, got some exercise, fresh air and sun while taking pictures. That always makes me feel better, too!

  4. magicallymad Says:

    Reblogged this on Not Quite Lost and commented:
    thank you.

  5. stuff I said Says:

    This is a strong statement of the pain, I am guessing, you feel inside? You may not know right now but it takes a very strong person to make such a statement. Please be kind to you and know that there are those that care and are listening (reading).

  6. Dorothy Says:

    I had to read this twice and other’s comments before I realized it was a poem. I guess my brain is really gone into that zone of no return. It speaks volumes to me too because I am a scarred person and a self-harmer. Sorry about my last comment on Thursday night, I recently completed 4 nights no alcohol…..too many blackouts. I’m glad you’re hanging in there, doing it for yourself and your kids.

    • rainey Says:

      Oh, Dot you have no need to apoligize. I am PROUD of you…4 NIGHTS???? Way to go! It is so very hard to give up a crutch…I have several, so I know it is easier to return to your comfort zone than to go it alone. It will get better (so they tell me) so you and I will hang in there together. Hugs and good thoughts~Rainey

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