Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Maybe Tomorrow June 14, 2012

Depression is my life-long best friend. It is currently wrapping around me like a warm blanket making me want to stay in bed and hold it tightly. Life continues to go on but I cannot find the energy to care. My husband never understands; he gets angry when I retreat inside my head. I try to explain that I cannot stop it; I don’t want to be this way, but he doesn’t get it. I don’t think he ever will.

Why does it have to be like this? Will I aways be tormented with the darkness that descends without warning? I fight it as long as I can, but it gets too hard and I just let go. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow I will want to get out of bed and see the sun that I love. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like me again. Maybe tomorrow I can live.


13 Responses to “Maybe Tomorrow”

  1. Liz Lobster Says:

    Good luck. Depression is not an easy hand of cards to have been dealt. I wish you all the best!

  2. kyllingsara Says:

    I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am sorry that your husband isn’t more understanding, but I also know that it is exhausting and frustrating to live with someone else’s mental illnessess. I hope tomorrow is better for you as well. One step at a time.

    • rainey Says:

      Thanks, Sara. I know I am difficult to live with, and the fact that my daughter struggles as well has got to be hard on him. Thanks for your caring!

  3. I truly wish you all the best; I know how difficult I can be to live with but I’m sorry your husband isn’t giving you a little more understanding; sometimes a tiny bit of support can go a long way.

    • rainey Says:

      This is true; I wish I had someone to hold me and tell me it will eventually be okay, like I do for my daughter when she is down. Sometimes, when it hits us both, I just hope I can make it without drowning. ~Rainey

  4. Joe Pinkey Says:

    Our youngest son (40+) has a form of depression, and his mother and I are not doctors. He is not in a “retreating” stage, it’s just that when we try to get him to explain, or whatever, like this woman he becomes distant.
    We’ve known afew folks in our lives that suffer from depression, and all we can do is be there for them, if they want us there. We just suggest that they try and live life to the best of their ability, and when the “good” times make them feel better, share it with them !

    • rainey Says:

      Thank you for your comment. Depressioin is hard on the sufferer and their family and friends. Becoming distant is not always a choice, it is just what my mind does to protect me. Your son still needs to know you care and that you are there, even if he doesn’t reach out. When I am in the depressed state, I don’t care enough to explain it to someone because at that point, nothing in life really matters. I have dealt with emotional, physical, and mental problems in my life, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is as difficult as depression.
      I pray that you and your son find peace. ~Rainey

  5. Summer Moon Says:

    I am so sorry you’re in a depression, Rainey. Please know you have a friend here who understands and will be thinking and praying for you. I hope it lifts soon, as it is just such an unbearable hold that it takes on us. Big hugs, Rainey, and you have a lot of support here on your blog. Post away when you need and we will be here for you!

    • rainey Says:

      You are such a great cyber friend. Today is actually better, which is unusual for me; it typically lasts much longer, but hey, I’m not questioning a good thing! I actually got out of the house today and enjoyed the sun. 🙂 Thank you for being there and giving me such great feedback all of the time. You are a true angel. Hugs, ~Rainey

  6. Cassy Says:

    I definitely know the feeling when a significant person in your life does not understand… my fiance will try to talk to me, and I just shut down… and he looks for answers why I feel that way because there had to be some sort of cause… but sometimes there just isn’t a cause. I seriously had an awesome weekend last week, and then just completely shut down in the middle of the week. I was super sensitive to everything being said, and felt totally lethargic and sad…. at least it eventually passes, but those low points make me really afraid sometimes.

    • rainey Says:

      Cassy, It is so hard for others to understand. I know the people who love me want to help, and men in particular want to “fix” the problem, but like you said, sometimes there is no reason. You know the expression, “Shit happens?” Well, depression happens. And it scares the bejesus out of me when I am really low. Blogging helps me, though, because just meeting people like you who share the same problems helps. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂 Hugs, ~Rainey

      • Cassy Says:

        I definitely feel bad that I can’t give my fiance that “I fixed it” high when it comes to my depression… but he is getting better at realizing he can’t control it. He still tries to blame himself… but we are working on that. =D And it is soooo nice knowing we are not alone and other people feel the same way!

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