Well, I kept my appointment with the doctor today. It was just with my GP, not with a specialist. She listened to me and agreed that something else besides depression was going on. She did up the dosage of my anti-depressant to help me through the next month or so. She stopped short of saying it was bipolar, but wants me to see a psychiatrist and consider therapy. She didn’t have one to recommend, so I worry about finding a good one. This area is not known for great mental health support, and we have gone through hell finding any help for my daughter during the past 6 years. Hopefully I will find one that will listen to me. I am going to kept writing and keeping my mood journal until then.
I feel….anti-climatic. I guess I wanted her to give me some sort of test and say, “You have _______ wrong with you and here is the magic pill to make it all better.” Logically, of course, I KNOW this will never happen. There isn’t a definitive test for mental illness. There isn’t a magic pill. I have seen my daughter go through such incredible struggles, and I know the road is never smooth. But my life has never been smooth and sometimes I just wish I could get a little slack….Okay, I’m finished whining. I will do what I always do: put on my big girl pants and keep on going. It just seems that if I stop trying it would be so much easier.