I am crying as I sit here. I posted yesterday not expecting such an outpouring of support, but your comments have really given me something to think about. Just knowing that many of you took time to respond means so much to me…you will never know.
For my entire life I have put the needs of others ahead of my own, and that is such a difficult thing to change. I know I need to see a doctor, and I will. I have been on antidepressants for several years now, and I don’t think I am in danger of hurting myself. It’s just a thought that is always there, like an option, you know? I know I need some other kind of help. My realization is that all this time I just thought it was depression, but thinking that I might be Bipolar just makes so much sense now that I know more about the different types. I cannot believe I was so stupid that I never saw it before!
Writing or drawing about my feelings helps to keep me from acting on suicidal thoughts. Some of my writing might be dark and gloomy, but it makes getting through some of the darkness just a bit easier.
I also like the advice of seeing a doctor and then worrying about telling my family later. Maybe the doctor can help me and give me strategies in how to tell the people in my life. I know it will damage or end some of my relationships and that is scary. But I think about the advice I would give someone else…it wasn’t much of a relationship if they walk away because of this.
Thank you again for helping me. I don’t like asking for help because I hate to burden anyone with my troubles (I am the one everyone else turns to), but sometimes just hearing someone else say it really does help. I wish I could have all of you that I feel close to live right here on my street…you are all becoming my friends in this journey and I thank you for spending time with me each week.
Thanks and Hugs to you all ~Rainey