Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

Poetry, Paintings, and Ponderings: Through My Eyes

Expectations March 31, 2012

I am drowning in expectations. Not my expectations of myself, but the expectations that others have of me. I must play a certain role, or say or do certain things every day. When I do something out of character for me, it angers or upsets those around me. When did I become so predictable? When I cannot live up to what others want or need of me, I feel so inferior and inadequate.

What would it be like to start over? I mean, REALLY start your life from scratch? Obviously, you cannot go back in time and get a “redo”, but what would it be like to walk away from the life you have now? You would have the advantage of  your present life experience. Whatever your age, you have lived and made mistakes and learned. If you could walk away from your current life, you would have all of that knowledge without the baggage of your current problems. No one would expect you to “be” something; you could wipe the slate clean and be what you choose. Would life be better, or would you fall right back into the trappings of new expectations? Is there a way to live for yourself and not hurt those around you?


5 Responses to “Expectations”

  1. Probably not in the beginning but over time they will accept the “REAL” you. Great post.

  2. I think that there are two issues here. The first is that expectations others have of you become the expectations you have of yourself. The second is the answer to the question of whether you live true to yourself.

    It is in the nature of human beings to expect certain behaviours of other human beings. I found that not having any expectations of the people I interact with, is very difficult to achieve but not impossible. It requires that you release the expectations you have of yourself and I think that is the hardest part. Living without these expectations and ignoring the expectations of others is what I am currently working on. Unless I free myself of my own expectations any new life I try, will fall into the same traps.

    Then there is the issue of one living true to themselves. In that respect I am not and it took a lot of time to accept it and start working on it. I am currently working towards demolishing what I have and starting over from scratch. This is scary and at times I think I must be crazy making decisions like this. Then again living a lie is equally crazy and highly unfair, especially if you never chose to do that but were forced in it due to the expectations others (society, parents, family, friends) had of you.

    Moving to a life where you live true to yourself and without expectations of yourself (and consequently ignoring the expectations others have of you) will always hurt the people that expect you to not do that. It’s unavoidable, but ultimately it’s not your fault. The perceptions people have of you rarely change and I believe that unless you manage to find individuals who accept you for who you are and not for who they think you are, hurt feelings on their part will always happen. Not your fault.

    • rainey Says:

      Natalie, Your words ring true. I spend more time living up to what others expect than I do being true to myself. It is something I am working on. I’ve always been a people pleaser, and old habits die hard. Thanks for your valuable insight. I am, as always, a work in progress. Rainey

  3. rashmenon Says:

    thought-provoking. very.

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